Making it count

Am I more coherent when I prattle on like this, really, Kimi? Maybe my normal blog is too aimless, which leads me to another question. Is it really necessary to know your goal in life to enjoy it? Well, I guess I could answer that one. Not knowing where you're headed is sometimes fun and exciting, not knowing what's going turn your head or strike your fancy, which makes life very enjoyable. However, if you know what you're trying to accomplish, it's also enjoyable to be able to plot out your path and watch yourself succeed. Or fail, but mistakes have the opportunity of becoming invaluable lessons along the way that may either hinder or, in a better case scenario, become a tool for further trials up ahead. Hm, but since I'm always tempted to dwell on the negative side on things and prepare for the worst, so let's consider this:

Let's say you don't know what you're doing in your life, don't know where you're going, and you stumble and fall constantly. In the worst case scenario, you don't learn from it and spin in a downward spiral where you begin to miss every single foothold that could have been there. Then what do you do? Have you learned anything?

The typical answer would be, yeah, but the only thing learned is that trials don't lead to anything good anyway, so why bother? Why try? Lethargy and apathy won't get you anywhere, but it also won't make things worse... right?

Wrong. Getting nowhere is probably the worst thing that can happen in life. Being stuck, being held back, whether by someone else or yourself, is the worst of it all. How does one remedy this type of situation? The easy answer is to say, well find out what is stopping you from progressing, but for a lot of people, it's extremely difficult to sum up the motivation and courage to actually do something about it. Some people let it slide too much and decide to take their own lives because they feel as if nothing is ever going to work, present or future, so they just end it prematurely.

Okay, before I continue with this drivel, I have to admit that I've been dwelling with that mentality for much longer than I care to mention. It breaks people, it drives people insane, and it doesn't make anything better when people around discourages the person further. Let me say it straight - it sucks. Every single time something good comes up, whether it be an opportunity or a thought, it gets squashed by not only myself but by everyone else around me too. The world grew dimmer, people seemed trivial and unworthy, life itself became mundane and troublesome, a burden and not a gift. It also had to do with the fact that I felt like God had abandoned me long since. Anyway, not to dawdle on my dark times, moving on.

So! I came up with two solutions out of many possible, I hope, that may help people in these seemingly deadend situations.

One is to turn inward and know yourself FIRST and foremost. Problems will never go away if you are not aware of yourself, because self knowledge holds the key to success. Not saying that you have to and will be able to control your every action, though, and emotion to do anything at all, but at least know who you are and why you are that way. I believe self awareness is pivotal in every relationship, whether it be with other people or yourself. (Some people have this delusion that it's not possible to have a relationship with yourself because there is only one person involved. To that, I say, how many people feel disjuncted and have conflicting thoughts and feelings? You have to establish a connection between all the mishmash within yourself, in which there are much more than two parts involved. What would you call that?) It's like the commandment, "Thou shalt love your neighbor as yourself." How can anybody love each other if they don't love themselves first? Everyone knows that you are the worst critic of yourself, and so there is no such thing as loving yourself and not knowing. People who spin in dark cycles cannot and will not find the heart to love themselves if they don't know anything about themselves. Of course, there's the flipside where there's a chance the person will find themselves to be worse than they thought initially and then jump to the conclusion that they're better off dead, in which case that's also too premature because they just haven't found something intrinsically good about themselves yet. Holding out, for some people, seems worse than physical death, because it's like having to suffer a living death everyday until they pass. So, instead of just holding out and doing nothing, get to know yourself! Find out what kind of person you are, find out what ticks you, what makes you happy, even if only a slight twitch of happy, try to unravel the mysteries within yourself! The mysteries of the universe are always going to be there, but you won't, so get crackin'!

Short to say, that's the road I'm traveling right now. I rather much like it.

Anyway, the second solution I have is to turn to the greatest example of love. Ever. There is so much goodness in that one example that all other problems will seem trivial in comparison. I'm talking about Jesus, our Saviour, who didn't only save the world back then through his ultimate physical sacrifice, but continues to save us even today. The Greatest Story Ever Told (do I need to mark TM on that one?) shows us that, no matter the circumstances, no matter what happens, no matter what you have done or haven't done, regardless of death itself, there is SOMEONE out there who loves you and WILL save you, if only you are willing. Now isn't that a wonderful thought? Unfortunately, not everyone can see it, in fact, I get blinded by tears every time I try to fathom the greatness of His love. Not saying that everyone should turn to Christianity when lost or depressed, but it is definitely a solution that is everlasting. More people ought to try it. I feel like I don't have much to say about this because I'm still working on it myself, but so far so good. God is good to us, even when we fail to see His love. Living life as a Christian is not easy, when we have such high standards set by Jesus Himself, but it doesn't keep us from trying. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee us from hurting or despairing, but it is a lifestyle that teaches us to aspire to be better than what we would like to settle for.

In reflecting on myself, I've only recently stepped back onto this road. Why I didn't do it sooner, I know what it was that held me back, but regardless, I'm glad that I finally did. Some of the dullness has been rubbed off, and while still dull, there's something trying to shine through. I'm still trying to discover things about myself, but at the same time, I'm also rethinking some previously thought-out notions. It's a lot of work, of course, but it should be worth the effort. Not everyday will I find a precious something that challenges my beliefs and inspires me to be better than who I am now, right? God gave me strength to embetter my life, and by Jove I'm going to use it! ^0^

(Rambling is what happens when I have nothing to do at work...) Crosposted on IS and PR!