Happy Birthday to Seki Tomokazu!

On the 8th of September, we celebrate Seki Tomokazu's birthday!!
Always and forever ♥~!

Do not want to be late!

A/C humming, fans whirring

Egads, I don't want to be late for my Seki's birthday post this year!! But crap I'm so busy! CRAP!!!

Meanwhile. Oh. I love my church kids, shoot me. I couldn't emote at all when I was with them, but thinking about them and watching these videos make me want to cry!! T____T I'm going to miss them more than anything.

Thank God for internet.

And because the best presents are the ones meant to be shared, I'm going to share my presents with you guys! Please do not let these videos leak out, I don't believe any of you are weird to that extent.

Video downloads
>> Father and Son Duet, Four Hands
>> Jonathan's Awesome Solo

I'm so proud of him, and so so so touched. I'm eternally grateful to know such wonderful people, that even parents get hauled along for the ride. I can't ever repay them, but wah, best present ever are these wonderful, awesome, beautiful people in my life. THANK YOU GOD!!!

Oh, must refrain from being overly emotional. +___+!!!!

Okay. Time to munch on Anne I mean go see her. :D Seki's post will be up soon, please be patient with me okie??? I'll try to expand the post over the week however, it won't end the minute I post it up. XD

The world IS round afterall

"Graduation (Friends Forever)" - Vitamin C

"As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever(!)
We will still be friends forever."

I'm not graduating haha, but I feel this way? As our lives change, COME WHATEVER BABY, I'LL TAKE IT ON! I know I have times where I feel like I can't take it, but in the end, there is no cliff at the edge of the world. The world IS round, life is a complete circle, all is harmonious and good no matter what comes towards us, we will make it back. Circular reasoning, anybody? But it's not always as bad as some people berate me for. ::grimaces:: In my life, I've felt that people come and go, only to leave imprints but not to remain. Even now I have trouble comprehending that, is that silly? I have wonderful friends in my life, but I can't grasp such a simple concept. I had a really tough time this weekend saying, essentially, farewell to everybody at church. Part of me says that I'm not leaving, I'm never leaving them, that this distance I'm creating is merely physical and has no effect whatsoever on my relationships with everybody, and the other part of me sees that I'm going to lose each and everyone of them. That terrifies me, especially in regards to my family that I worked so hard to regain. I love them so much that I cannot bear to think about being apart from them, and yet at the same time, I feel silly in even thinking that something as superficial as physical distance would prevent me from having a loving relationship with them. Yet, there's no way of preventing that worry despite rationalizing it out. Even now, with discussions aplenty, our family's always had a tough time expressing love amongst ourselves. It's easy to say and tell someone else we care for and love them, but when it's our own blood, we stutter and pick on each other. Where is the positivity, where is the love, I might bemuse. I clarified today that, even though we never said anything directly on the matter, this will never come between us again. We're all mature enough to put the past behind us, and well, I guess that was more difficult for me personally. We all have our futures ahead of us, and we are all going in different directions, but that doesn't mean that we'll drift apart. It's just difficult to see that, if I'm having this much trouble with my family, how much harder is it to extend it to my friends? I love my friends, but I've had such a bad aftertaste of lost relationships because I lost contact with past friends. It just seems like I'll lose people I care about if I am not able to keep in touch with each and every single one of them! Will they forget me, and most importantly, will I let myself forget them? I nearly completely wiped this one person from my memory for a while, which was really freaky since I had no conscious intention of doing it at all. I just... forgot who she was completely, as if she was a stranger when I passed her, and blotted her from precious memories I had with her. WEIRD ANY? Whoever said that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to is WRONG in extreme cases like these. I did NOT set my mind to do this, in fact the very opposite, and yet my memory just went poof! Derailing, but point of the illustration is just that my fear of losing people, both relationship-wise and memory-wise, is causing much concern in my preparation for departure.

Yet. As I return to this weekend, even if I was hiding for the intention of cushioning myself from the pains of separation by doing it intentionally while near them, I see myself as being so utterly selfish that I want to smack myself. I hope I reassured everyone that I'll be okay, because I will be, but staying away from people might have been counterproductive to my intentions. Dawrgh, I pray people skimmed over my mistake! Enough about that now though, but despite that I was pushing so hard, I couldn't help but feel the overflowing love everyone was trying to show me. I am so touched, that my kids went above and beyond to express their love, and the adults might have trouble communicating their concern and care but also love me. I don't know how to express my gratitude and love for any of them in return, and I probably fail as a girl in that department. (Haha...) I can't tear up, I can't summon a genuine smile, I can't show myself to the world, especially to these people who are overflowing with love for me. Harsh, aren't I, but I don't know how to just be myself in front of people. I may be my own worst enemy in judging myself, but at the very least, the message got through to me. This picture frame spells it out for me, and thank YOU for transcribing God's message to me with magnets because I really am that dense. I like alphabets, and now I have cool magnets to remind myself with every time! ::gets bricked:: Anyway. It's almost foreign to me that I can see that, you know what, I really won't lose these people. The relationships I've built along the way are not black boxes that are meant to be closed, concealed, and left behind, but they are the beginnings of many bright opportunities for me on which to grow. I will cherish these memories forever, but more importantly, I will continue to make more along the way. I have faith in God, in other people, and in myself to carry that out as long as there is breath in my lungs.

It is because of my shortcomings and my downfalls that I can appreciate the fullness of life that I've found. I suffocate but I'm still breathing, isn't that evidence of being alive? Wrapped in an extra big bow (with a pillow on top), God's gifts to me are endless. I will take it. I will make the effort. I know I will encounter more obstacles once I accept this gem, but I pray that I will always find the strength in God to keep going.

God gave me a present. I didn't know what it was for the longest time, but He let me in on the secret. It's love, and it's wrapped with SHINY!!!!! I LOVE IT!!! HAHA.

What a horrible way to end an inspired post. 8D

Typing test = good distraction

"Love is..." - Katou Miriya

I need to practice typing accurately. ::sweatdrops:: My typing speed hasn't gotten any better or worse, still averaging around 95 wpm. I can't seem to break my top speed of 112 wpm. Blasted typos. Sad. I ought to try a typing test on Shiro's laptop, see if less noise distraction (うるさいにゃ！) makes any difference.

Swiped the following link from Gokumew.

Plug: http://www.freetypinggame.net/free-typing-test.asp

That passed the time quicker. Stomachache's milder, can of 7up three-quarters down...

Can't help but lament that Kaji's perfume is what I'd pick. And Tsukimori. Stupid Tsukimori-head. I want to sniff Yunoki!!! A man who can don those layers is MY MAN! Or my evil twin. Huh. Would Miyata wear Yunoki's perfume then? Hm, most curious now. I wonder if that's the concoction he and Naokun made in my dream!

I really shouldn't be awake at this hour, I always sound off. Piglet's Big Shit, remember Bon? 8D

Plug: http://www.herohero-q.com/index.php?e=3165

Nagasawa-san's post has cutest most interesting picture of Seki. I like your pigtails baby!!!

New Macbook Pro, and then some

"日のいずる国　ジパング" - Takahashi Hiroki

Yesterday, daddy didn't go to work so he took me to Fry's to return the 15.4" MacBook Pro in exchange for the 13.3" one instead. With the price difference, I picked out a 500gb Hitachi SATA hdd that was on sale for $80. 5400rpm instead of the 7200rpm I had my eye on initially, but hey, can't complain when there's more space (the 7200rpm one is 320gb) for the same price. Yup. Even *with* service cost (yes I opted to let the service guys install my hdd instead because I don't want to attempt to tamper with a machine I'm wholly unfamiliar with), I managed to cut the cost by a little under $200 from the 15.4". Sweet.

So now I own a 4.5 lbs block of metal. With a 500gb hdd. Hm.

However, I got a sign today that this computer is what I should settle for. I was poking iTunes after I got the OSX and base applications installed, and since I haven't loaded any pictures or music into the computer yet, all I could use to test the audio (proper speakers in any shape or form are quite nonexistent on this machine, sad) were online radio feeds. Naturally, I'd look for something anime related, so I found animeamaze.net I think. First song that comes on is labeled, "Galla - Kiseki no Hana." Hm. Except... SEKI TOMOKAZU is the voice I hear. Unmistakeably. Definitely my baby. Not Galla. WHAT? It's mislabeled to begin with, but it's MY BABY? It's the Takahashi Kyoudai version of "Kiseki no Hana," but what's crazier is still that it's SEKI coming out at me. It's mine, it's made for you, keep it, take it, says the MacBook Pro. So. You win MBP, I will keep it. 8D

And so the Mac partition shall be named Shirogane. What.

You don't have to think very hard to figure out what I'm going to name my Windows partition now, do you?

I'll install WinXP tomorrow.

Meanwhile.

It's nearly 5am! What am I doing up? To be honest, I'm not up on purpose at all. I have a blasted stomachache from dinner. I thought it wasn't so bad that I could sleep it away, but nope! After managing to pass out sometime after 3:30am, rolled awake at 4:30am in pure agony. :D So now I'm miserably groggy and sitting in front of Razi, sipping a can of 7up and typing up this long-winded thing because I can't focus on anything else aside from ramblings. Stupid, stupid stomach. What a pain in the midsection. ::groans:: Waiting for it to subside takes sooooo long... This also means that I can't eat at all today so I can rid my stomach of whatever is causing this. Oh the acid is nasty, cry...

At least it's only Thursday! If I'm careful, I'll be able to eat on Saturday. Would really, really suck if I'm sitting and watching other people eat at my own going-away thing. The milk is not spilt yet, no crying. ::sniffles:: Heh.

I wish for more flautists to show up! Send me off with sweet, sweet music please! ~^w^~

God is Good

"To be continued..." - Kishio Daisuke

Dude, dude dude dude~! Seki's birthday is next week baby, NEXT WEEK! My baby's turning thirty-seven!!! Oh gosh how time flies, I still remember prancing about the lockers during that day annually, informing classmates and teachers everywhere I went, and having people ignore or stare at me like I've gone mad. Haha. Hey, it was better than when Mrs. Barnheiser shook me by the shoulders to tell me that Trunks is only an imaginary character, pshaw! Anyway. September 8th, peoples, please mark that on your calendars as I have! ::rolls::

Okay fine. Hiropon's birthday is the 7th, don't forget that one either. Hiropyo~n! Teehee.

SEKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem.

I haven't properly announced to people yet, but I have a confirmed date of departure to Shanghai now. September 15th, exactly a week after Seki's birthday, and exactly two weeks from today. If I haven't seen you before heading out and you'd want to, please leave me a comment, email, call, something. Regardless, I'll miss all of you here in the States, and the rest of you, well, I'll still see you on this beloved plane of virtual reality known as the internet! XD

For the time being, my LJ posting will probably parallel my blog, so I apologize if you're used to not seeing my posts clutter your friend's page. :P Feel free to remove if it bothers you.

I'm feeling wonderful today, despite the horrible air quality here. I *hope* the fires are all doused by now, but the sky is orange-brown and smells like burnt earth, yay! ::chokes:: I hope the rest of you living in the area aren't dying from stagnant ash in the air. Regardless of all that, all my bags are packed (figuratively speaking), and I'm ready to go!!! Where am I standing? With God's good grace at my side, that's where. I've been seeking answers and wanting help for so long that, as some of you know, I've tripped into a cozy little ditch. Today is a miraculous day, I never thought I'd live to see the day that God answered my prayers. There is hope and light, and it actually exists outside the figment of our imaginations!

Thank you. You know who you are, and I am forever grateful for your understanding and acceptance.

In other news, for those who haven't heard, I bought a MacBook. Yeah, me, a PC-user. I'm battling with the MacOSX like crazy, the shiny is detrimental to my productivity. ::shakes fist:: It's a 15", and my mother is irritated. So I'm most likely going to go into Fry's tomorrow and return it. Again. ::headdesk:: My kid thinks I should go into an actual Apple store to buy the smaller one, so, eh, I'll discuss it with my dad tonight. Man, so much pain with file transfers again. Do you KNOW how much time and energy it takes into configuring an Apple computer to Windows XP when I'm distracted to infinity and THEN transfer nearly 100 GB worth of data into the right place??? ARWARGH!!

Mother bought me a chicken baguette tonight, glad she remembered to buy me food once after forgetting to feed me for nearly two weeks. >_>;; Good thing I can actually drive and buy my own food. Woohoo.

Ahh, this song, I think you're right Kimi.

"Yunoki Azuma desu, yoroshiku ne. ^^"

Attention: Emails in the last 24 hours?

Hi. If anybody here emailed me in the last 24 hours or had sent me a reply on LJ or anything that requires my attention, PLEASE RESEND. Cirtex has so very kindly lost all my email in the period past. Thank you.

::muttergrumble:: Time to crosspost all over the place and send emails to people I needed replies from.

Ahhhh they managed to retrieve all my emails, thank goodness!! ;~;

Chocolate chip mochi bread

Listening to: "My word ～約束～" - Konishi Katsuyuki



♥ They turned out really well! Not bread like, they deflate again, I really think the parmesan cheese plays a part in keeping the batter raised. Oh well. I LOVE THESE!!! I have some cocoa powder mixed in but not much so it's more like chocolate chip mochi bread than anything. I added some vanilla extract (okay fine, imitation) so it's yummmm. ♥

Alive Post-Lasik

Listening to: "You're in my heart" - Miyano Mamoru

I have a feeling I'll be looping this song for the next WEEK. Damn you Kaji ::shakes fist:: Yunoki owns me, not you!

Ahem anyway.

I had Lasik today at approximately 2:30pm. It was a relatively short procedure, except for the part that they were burning my eyes for nearly thirty seconds each. The scariest parts of the surgery? I mean, there's local anesthesia so it's not like I felt any pain, but at one point when they're slicing off the top of my eyeball, I felt pressure, wetness, and BLINDNESS all of a sudden. Yup. Everything blacked out, which probably frightened me most of all. The doctor talked me through most of it so it wasn't horrendously freaky, but brr. Then the actual lasering away my cornea didn't feel like anything except for the fact that, well, I COULD SMELL MY EYEBALL BEING BURNED AWAY. Goodness. The smell of burning... flesh or something... permeated my nose and since they burned me for so long, my mind started panicking. Thank God for Seki? LOL why? Because while I was freaking out internally, I kept repeating, "Seki, Seki, Seki" as a mantra. ::rolls:: Silly? Hey, it got me through surgery. XDDD

Post-op and everything went well, I could see my feet as I was getting off the chair as opposed to me waddling towards the lump of blue pre-op haha. Everything was super blurry and fuzzy, but I COULD SEE. I started wondering if this is how the blind men Jesus healed felt when the could see for the first time. Sight...! I hope everything goes well post-op, and then wow, vision. This is so unbelievably awesome. And I'll be able to wear colour contacts later on without prescription, yatta!

Did I mention they gave me a sleeping pill before all of this? My body felt so heavy especially after a giant meal at In&Out consisting of Double-Double, animal fries, and a chocolate shake and was flopping about whenever I sat down. XD So I slept aplenty afterwards, and trying to keep my eyes closed most of the time, doing my list of eyedrops regimen, all good!

By the way, excuse my typos. I'm typing most of this with my eyes closed and wearing rather dark sunglasses. 8D

Indulging in the Romantics

Listening to: “Nocturne in C Major” - Edvard Grieg (played by Michael Krücker)

Oh, I’m always in such bliss when I listen to some of my favourite composers’ pieces. The Romantic era draws such emotions from me, for better or for worse, and while sometimes the sadness, bitterness, and even grief that sweeps into me isn’t something I want, there are also times of tranquility, refuge, peace, tints of happiness, beauty, and the strange sensation of love. Not just the love of music, but feeling love just when listening to these pieces. Chopin, my favourite, makes me angst a little too much at times, his pieces so brilliant and filled with all sorts of emotion. Sigh. Unfortunately it isn’t in me to play like him and by no means am I that brilliant. Weep, but at least he existed and left behind such works of love! ::swoons::

I feel slightly bad that I’m babbling about Chopin while listening to Grieg.

Ahem ahem, Saa and Kimi, do bring flutes (and piccolo? :D :D :D :D) when you come?

Anyway, it’s a good day for contemplation and reflection. I slept on and off today because there’s no more work to go to for now. And here, I’m listening to and watching pianists beautifully unwrap the gifts of the Romantics, what a setting! And I finally replaced the batteries in my keyboard! There are things I need to take care of, like researching work visa, living permits, and such, but I can’t help but want to put them off until tomorrow!

Yesterday being my last day of work, I gave the guy who is to replace me a crash training course, and since I drove him out with me to eat lunch, I was pretty much talking for nine and a half hours straight to him. My throat hurt so badly by around 2pm? He looked overwhelmed, but I think he’ll do fine after a month of picking up everything. Or less, I hope. Maybe not, he seems more artistically inclined, which isn’t the bulk of my work. Ah well, it’s over. Talking for that long was stressful though, except that I went to Cynthia’s afterwards and talked until 12:30am. 8D So I was talking from 9am until 12:30am. I think that’s a record, even for me? Not sure. Haha. 8D My poor throat.

Okay, even though I love the different flavours of performers, I think I most enjoy Yundi Li at the moment. So delicate, so Chopin, and so intense and dark and emo sometimes! The only thing I’d change in him is for his intense moments be more POWERFUL, but he’s kinda frail… Can I meet this guy and like squish him? XD There’s just something in his style that triggers the fangirl chord in me. ::shameless:: How can I not love a guy who’s in love with Chopin?

In work, I’ve discovered that I tend to be a workaholic and worry about everything, which is good for whatever company I’m working for, but not really that good for keeping my sanity intact. While I like to work, having a break right now is good. I can’t do anything after my surgery unfortunately, so I might become a little antsy about not being able to do anything for a while ehehe.

Okay, all this beautiful music is putting me back to sleep. Off I go! Alvin is being a dear and treating me to lots of beef tonight, love him! *___*;;;; I’ll miss him, even if he’s dork of a cousin.

Approved for Lasik...

Listening to: "好きなのに。" - Takahashi Naozumi

I went to the laser center today for consultation about getting Lasik. I'm a candidate yay, they said my cornea is thick, luckily, since my vision is so bad they'll have to shave most of it off. The thought of surgery still freaks me out, but uh, part of the tests today? The guy put anesthetic eyedrops in my eye then proceeded to poke me square in the eye with a measuring stick. UH? That was beyond freakish, I could see it squishing my eyeball right in front of my pupil. #___# The anesthetic stung a bit, but I'm totally okay with that, and if lasik's going to be anything like that, I'm down. The whole procedure sounds safe enough that I'm not terrified, but I'm still concerned. This also rules out any possibility of going to Knott's before I leave, or well, maybe RIGHT before I leave and not anytime sooner than that. No strenuous activity after surgery he said, right.

On other notes, my mother is driving me insane again. What kind of parent berates their children for being happy with what they have? Isn't it usually the other way around? I'm happy living a simple life, enough to support myself, isn't that good enough? Seriously, I don't desire an ungodly amount of money and I don't care for material possessions, why on earth does she WANT me to??? What planet is this woman from, really??? The only material possession I probably want and try to acquire is a good computer system. Beyond that? I can settle for anything, really. She brought up the whole car thing, which, if you ask me, is the stupidest possession to try to get me to want, because as long as the car runs and doesn't break down and cost me trillions of dollars to fix every month, I'm good. She says I'm bad for being satisfied, WHAT THE HELL? There's no harm in wanting more, but by no means will I crave after extraneous things just because it's BETTER. She says I lack ambition and drive, sure, maybe I do, and she's never bothered to stop and wonder why I'm like that. IT'S BECAUSE SHE NEVER GAVE ME WHAT I WANTED, SO WHY BOTHER STRIVING FOR THINGS I'LL MOST LIKELY NEVER ATTAIN? Personally, I'm DAMN GLAD that I turned out this way, even if I probably felt like my life was unfair never getting things I wanted. I've been taught to appreciate what I have, and I learned that lesson well. SO WHY IS SHE COMPLAINING WHEN SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S RESPONSIBLE? And what's so bad about not striving for money and possessions? Once again, I ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER????

I understand the world works on money, and I'm not saying I don't need money to survive. As long as I have enough to live and find ways to amuse myself, I'm good. I'm low maintenance that way, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Life unfolding

At first impression, people think I'm crazy. On second thought, they all realize that it's a great thing for me. And you know? I felt the same way too. It's crazy, but it's also Great! I'm jumping out into an unknown place with the promise of my dream job, and while I'm scared, it's a fear worth braving. I'll be working as a sound designer for the sequel of my favourite game of all time, and I'll be away from the one who drives insane. I know it sounds like a silly priority, but getting away from her has always been the number one thing to take care of on my list. SO! I'm doing it, I'm going, going, (not quite gone yet but soon to be) GONE!

I'm leaving behind a lot of things, and I'm not talking about possessions. My car, all the goodies I hoard to keep my sanity, and everything I've worked hard to acquire, none of those matter. I am leaving behind familiarity with this place, all the people who mean a lot to me, and probably what psychs me out the most, my pregnant friend. AHH! I know Saa laughed at me and said it's not my child, but I'm just as jittery, if not more, than the expectant mother. I try not to worry her about this issue, because, well, she doesn't need to have another stressor. Luckily, I know she's well taken care of and she'll be along just fine.

On the topic of leaving people behind, there's a certain somebody who doesn't "know" about it yet, although I'm pretty sure she does and just hasn't said anything. I gave her plenty of preparation for this news, actually, so let's just hope she doesn't overreact. Missing people will be an issue for me. I'll be nearer to Seki, no matter how ridiculous the idea! But I'm not a social person anyway, being alone is all right for me. I spend Miyata's birthday alone every year, don't I?

There is still so much to take care of and plan before I leave. Tomorrow, I'll find out whether or not I'm eligible for Lasik. Eep! I better not miss VBS because of this though, I was really looking forward to it too.

I haven't done a list of Thankful Three's in so long, time to pick that up again. Even if for just one day.

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. The opportunity to have my dream job!
2. The ability to feel, no matter which way it flows.
3. Faith in God to take care of me.

Ah, Nao song so beautiful and yet so painful. "Suki na no ni...."

What Dreams May Come...

Two super, fantastic people in one month, how much better can it get!? I’m so stoked, I’m bewildered, I’m jittery! I never knew that looking for a job would be SO exciting and rewarding!!! All I can do now is hope and pray that I didn’t disappoint and that I will indeed get a shot at this position. My dad finally leaked to my mother about it, who didn’t seem too happy about it at all. Hm, need to talk to her. I won’t know for sure about this job until the end of the week, and I’m trying to keep my expectations low so I won’t be disappointed. But really. Me, disappointed in this? NO WAY. This journey has been SO exciting thus far, even if it has to end this week, I’m already so thankful for this experience! Of course I want more, oh I want the job, I want it more than I can express, but I will praise God regardless of the outcome.

This is so exciting!!! I don’t even think I can eat dinner tonight, I’m so shaken up (but in a good way)!

Pray for me, and may God guide me in the path He wishes me to follow.

And you know what’s even better? I may even get to work with the website!!! HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?!?!?

Camp Cedar Falls = A Blessing

Listening to: "You're in my Heart (Short Size)" - Miyano Mamoru

Despite being sick and having my doubts about going on the retreat, I'm so glad I decided to go afterall. It was so wonderful, and while people are never quite the highlight for me, the location definitely was! Oh goodness, I haven't hiked like that since Astrocamp!!! Let's not talk about how long ago that was, really. The scenery is breathtaking, the trails are tremendously fun, the forest is majestic, the streams and waterfalls cool and refreshing, the breeze a gift. Everything, everything there was beautiful. Even the bugs. God's love surrounds us, His creation awe-inspiring and a blessing to us all. As I walked back from the trail at the end of today's hike, a strong breeze blew through, and I just knew it was God. Most of the time, I see so little good in this world, but up there, everything is made crystal clear, and I know God is there, here, everywhere. The running streams relaxed aching feet, tired heads, dirty hands, and provided fun and refreshment. I thought, if I had to live out in nature, with my intense phobia and dislike for bugs and dirtiness, I would love it regardless. And as for being sick? The fresh mountain air did wonders for me. My throat feels infinitely better, and while I don't really know how my condition is, I certainly feel better for it. All that hiking invigorated me like nothing else, and I discovered that just two pieces of beef jerky can revitalize me after a strenuous hike. Go beef!

The best part of it all? STARGAZING. Oh. Oh. Oh. It might be even better higher up, but, oh. This layer of heaven, in all its majesty, glorifying God up above and around, showing us proof that there indeed is order in the universe and that there has to be a loving, loving Creator who made it all. There is nothing better, calmer than to be in the dark and under the night sky. The beauty of the stars makes me feel like expressing more than anything, my aspirations and thoughts, my emotions and my prayers. I feel exposed almost, in the dark, but at the same time, it is the only place that makes me feel like it's okay to let go and let God. Ah, praise be to Him who created all things, heaven and earth and beyond. Blessed be we, His people, those who are Loved.

Sugu no aitai, aitai, kimi ni...

KAJI IS FREAKY!!! STOP FREAKING ME OUT KAJI! XDDD Ah but, as K-chan says, love stalker boy this song. THIS SONG, A'ITE???

Now, back to work anew tomorrow and to schedule a phone interview. X3 Excited!

Baked

Apple cider cookies! They were supposed to be biscuits, but maybe there's too much sugar or something. Guess they taste like sugar cookies. :3

I made bite-sized chocolate biscuit things for church. They're not sweet enough, I think, but I hope people will eat them. Will take a picture of the tin I put them in when I get home. I'm sad, however, as my parents will be back on Sunday. No more cooking, no more baking when they're back. It makes me so sad as I've been having so much fun cooking lately. Maybe tonight I'll make a few corn and ham biscuits...



These look better than they taste. Unlike the ones I made for church, these have one chocolate chip apiece and, while a bit fluffy, are bitter from the cocoa powder and not enough sugar.

Okay. Back to work. :P

Teiou thanks us

Plug: Moriberu BLOG: Thank's AX2009!

AWWWW Teiou!!! Thank you for making a post in english! I'm glad he's back home to his baby heehee. Guh, how spastic Teiou makes me. Honestly, in the entire world, there are only three people I would be absolutely honoured to meet: 1) Queen Elizabeth II, 2) Sir Paul McCartney, and 3) Morikawa Toshiyuki. Meeting Teiou made me so starry eyed and in awe that, I feel so blessed that he came to visit us!!

In other words, I had hell dealing with internet at work today. Everything's fixed now, an hour and ten minutes later at least.

Melon biscuits!

Listening to: "Ancient Secret" - Nanase Hikaru



Oh Kimi, you have got to come so I can make these again. ♥

Cabbage salad

Listening to: "Rakuen ~Fanatic~" - Kusao Takeshi

Mmm my baby sure sings a deliriously good song to accompany my...

CABBAGE SALAD!



Yup. Originally, I was chopping up stuff for okonomiyaki, but it got too late and I decided to eat the chopped stuff, which ended up tasting quite good! So, salad it is instead of okonomiyaki. Has frozen teriyaki chicken and a bit of ham, mmm. If I really crave egg later, I'll crack an egg on it, stir, and microwave. 8D

I really want to make biscuits. But. No milk left, only soy milk. O_O

Still basking in the afterglow of meeting Teiou. Sigh. "Love Me Tender" will be another sweet, sweet memory of mine...

In less than 24 hours = TEIOU

I'm so excited!!! In less than 24 hours, I will be sitting in the same hall as Morikawa Toshiyuki, our BL (beloved LOL) TEIOU! It just can't get more exciting than that, can it? Actually it can, because I will be there with so many of my dear friends, and the mass of ENERGY and LOVE that we will vibrate is going to make everything even more spectacular. I'M SO EXCITED!!! I also have a billion people to call and meet up with tomorrow before the panel, which is just... crazy. XD It's crazy just how many friends of mine are super excited about Teiou as me, and it's crazy AWESOME!! GO TEIOU!

His blog has a self shot and airport pictures. I'm ***so*** jittery.

Okay, mass rant aside, here is my pending to-do list for AX. Crossposted for my reference.

(Gah, I wish there were a extended text function for Blogspot.)

Day 0 - Wednesday
- buy more white bandage tape, cry...
- work, get off at 6pm
- call up Saku/Velessa regarding guest reception tickets
- bake biscuits for Teiou :P
- finish up okonomiyaki batter, or buy dinner for the sibs
- pack car (don't forget shoes and sheets!)
- sleep before midnight :(

Day 1 - Thursday
- main costume: Minamoto no Yorihisa
- leave by 6:30am
- meet up with Saku
- badge pickup with Mikey at 9am
- contact: Sangah, Diane, Young, Velessa, Sunshine, Luna, Bonnie, Kain(?)
- buy guest reception tickets, if still needed (need 6 total)
- Kouga Yun panel (y/n?)
- look for the twins
- Morikawa Toshiyuki panel @ 12:30pm
- autograph session
- call Kimi, find Andrew & bro
- Vampire Knight gathering @ 5pm, LACC Site #1 (y/n?)
- dealer's room
- artist's alley to find people
- get parking permit at the place we're staying

Day 2 - Friday
- guest reception (most likely Friday morning...)
- main costume: Mitsurugi Heishirou
- bring Shoujou and/or Yankumi costumes as spare
- dealer's room
- Tales of gathering @ 1pm, LACC Site #1 (y/n?)
- Disney gathering @ 2pm, Nokia Theatre (y/n?)
- open mic karaoke, whenever

Day 3 - Saturday
- main costume: Yunoki Azuma, ala metrosexual Corda group
- maybe bring Mitsurugi costume for gathering (y/n?)
- Video Game gathering, @ 11am, LACC Site #1 (we should, Corda and all)
- Kingdom Hearts gathering @ 12pm, West Hall Entrance (y/n?)
- Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core gathering @ 1pm, West Hall Lobby (y/n?)
- Soul Calibur gathering @ 2pm, Outside South Hall Entrance (y/n?)
- Air Gear gathering @ 3pm, LACC Site #2 (y/n?)
- dealer's room
- open mic karaoke, whenever
- masquerade, IF anyone wants to go

Day 4 - Sunday
- main costume: Yamaguchi Kumiko (if attending at all..)
- Knott's Berry Farm with Saku (y/n? when?)
- Final Fantasy gathering @ 2pm, West Hall Entrance (y/n?)
- autograph session if Teiou's still here


Things are majorly confusing after Thursday, so we'll see what happens. Oh I'm going to be SO exhausted on Monday at work!!! 8D

But well worth it. I can't wait to see all you!! If anyone hasn't told me they're going yet, now's the time to send me your contact info! And Teiou, MATTERU YO!!!♥♥♥♥♥

They really are edible!

Listening to: "You're in my heart (Short Size)" - Miyano Mamoru

I'm so proud of myself!! Ever since my parents left, I've been making my own food. A little too much mochi, but hey! I'm happy with my food, although at this rate, my AX cosplay plan won't work out.. eheh...



Not the first thing I made, but that's mochi in a bowl. I gave up making stuffed mochi because of how sticky the mochi is (duh) and how hot it was (because I'm terribly impatient), so I ended up layering the black sesame paste I made like so. I know it looks scary. Hey, nobody's eating this but me anyway.



Vegetable soup! Lots, and lots of celery and carrots, half a large onion, three super delicious roma tomatoes, and about 3/4 pounds of ground beef. No oil! But I did use garlic salt and Canadian steak seasoning, which makes rather delicious beef stew, considering how little beef went into this gigantic pot.

And now for my pride and joy, SUCCESS THIS TIME!!






Such a success, I took multiple pictures. SO YUMMY!! My last pack of mix however, sad. I asked my aunt to tell my mother to bring more packets home, but don't know if my mother will be willing to. Meh. Oh well. That's my cheese mochi bread for you er me! ♥

Kimi Kimi Kimi I reeeeeally hope you'll be here this weekend so I don't polish off the entire batch by myself. 8D I want you to try it! :3

Cracked.com

Things to read when bored at work...

http://www.cracked.com/article_15706_5-pimpingest-historical-figures.html
http://www.cracked.com/article_15648_five-biggest-badass-popes.html

That site is awesome fun XD! Haven't read the second link yet but Tessa recommended it.

Now now, back to the Merlin slash flooding my friends page, ohoho...

The birth of my loves

You know what today is?? That's right baby, it's time for LOVE!!!

♥ Happy Birthday to Paul McCartney!! ♥

Oh Sir Paul, HAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! How I wish I could really wish him a happy birthday and tell him the joy he has brought to my life!!! Let us celebrate this wonderful, wonderful man's birthday today with lots of Beatles, Wings, and his solo works!!! ♥

♥ Happy Birthday to Yunoki Azuma!!! ♥

I know you KNEW that was coming. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNOKI-SAMA!!!! Shall I dress up as you tonight while jamming to all your songs? (What a strange image I make...) Or shall I BLAST your glorious songs and flute repertoire for all my neighbors to hear at 10pm tonight after I get home from dinner? WHAT SHALL I DO???

Hehe, what a manic post.

But hey, two of my favourite men in all the world!!!!!! Happy happy birthday, my loves, my heart goes out to you both. (Yay, one IRL and one 2D!)

I'm super excited for Teiou too, LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL I SEE HIM! It's one week, six days, twenty-two hours, and two minutes as of now!

Man Overboard!

Listening to: "雪降る街のCeremony" - Hirakawa Daisuke

You know, I had the dual monitors... and then I was going to shop for a video card and RAM tonight? Well. I did, and I'm $130 poorer for it, well there'll be a $20 mail-in rebate later but still. BUT.

I spent all night setting up and resetting up my computer and such. AND.



I now have triple display.

Not entirely done yet with backdrop rewiring and rearranging, but, yeaaaah. Overkill any?

That and 2GB RAM makes me happy.

Gaming itch

This is weird. I haven't had a gaming itch since, well, Kiniro no Corda 2. Even when I bought Encore, I didn't itch to play it, but now that Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is in my DS, I have hives all over!! Figuratively speaking, oo~h! Weirdly though, because I want to play KH-Days, I want to play Corda again. Badly. And Kaji's "You're in my Heart" is looping incessantly in my head, aaaah! KAJI WHY KAJI!? Of all people, WHY KAJI? Shouldn't it be Yunoki, my partner in crime?

Anyway. I actually have things to do today, like pick up stuff as well as shop at Fry's. Don't like shopping. I feel broke. No commission from last month either because I was in HK and the only commission I had went directly into the dual monitors I bought yesterday. Need a video card, hence shopping at Fry's today.

Oh man, I want to see Kaji's smiling face and it's giving me the strangest tingles. ::crosses eyes:: Stop singing that song in my head. ::WAILS::

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. Large box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes for $3.99, no tax.
2. Dual monitors!
3. Return to my normal full-time salary (8-hour workdays).

Ahh, God is good. ♥ And Teiou is coming soon. ♥

Motion and stunt actors

Dude. Motion and stunt actors FTW! Despite my love for seiyuu, motion actors and stunt actors have my utmost respect for their hard work which has such a lack of recognition, right along with my dearest seiyuu-tachi. Mogi qualifies for both those categories, so even if I want to punch him sometimes, HE ROCKS!

Awesome motion and stunt actor? Look up Reuben Langdon. I'm floored by his Dante. Seriously awesome, check him out!

Muffin turned loaf

Listening to: "You're in my Heart (Short Size)" - Miyano Mamoru





This blueberry muffin mix expired. I'm eating it anyway. (So are my parents, but they don't know it's expired.) Hey look, it actually came out good despite being expired! ::headdesk:: Yay! Happy. :3

The most miraculous thing about all this? The ingredients and recipe were in chinese. I always screw up recipes that are in english. Why is it that languages I can barely read turn out better? :O Thought to ponder...

Seeking a purpose

Seeking a purpose.

What a big yet tiny line. Where do we begin? Where does it end? Does it really ever begin or end? What purpose are we here for, is it something we designate ourselves or has God already planned that for us before we were born? It leads one to think that fate, destiny, is inescapable if we were born with a set purpose already, so in this day and age we're more inclined to support the former statement. Honestly though, if we make our own purpose as we go through life, doesn't that give us control of our own lives, meaning we can be as erratic as we like or default at saying that we don't have any purpose in life and just idle away like bums?

I don't know, and I have a headache. I feel as if this angle is being forced on me and it's requiring a lot of thought which I don't have the capacity to do for the time being. I do hope that, by the end of this book, I'll have a clearer understanding instead of dwindling into nihilism.

On the brighter side, the simpler side of life, Teiou will be coming to MY CITY soon! Less than a month away, my loves! Ahhh Kimi costumes, COSTUMES!!! #___#

Oh and, happy belated birthday to Mamochan. ♥

Cheese Mochi Bread!

YAY!! My mochi bread was a sorta success! A little burnt, but only just a little. Otherwise, yummy and yummy! I didn't have enough parmesan cheese actually, so I subbed the rest of it with ::coughs:: Coffeemate. Yarr mate, creamer! It's the right amount of chewy inside and it makes me very happy. HAPPY! ^0^ Mochi is love!!

My neighbors fed me rice when I went over to give bread. Guh, rice. T_T

TEIOU at Anime Expo 2009!!!!!!!!

Oh my GOD!!!! This is definitely the time to be exclaiming like MAD!!!

I shouldn't have drank wine on the flight here, because now I'm sitting at the Seoul airport and have pins and needles all over from being overly excited and dying and and... LINK!

Morikawa Toshiyuki - Announced Guest of Honor at Anime Expo 2009 >>
http://www.anime-expo.org/special-guests/guests-of-honor/toshiyuki-morikawa/

Ladies and gentlemen, fangirls and fanboys all over North America, seiyuu fans, and especially BL fans ~ BEHOLD!!! OUR TEIOU IS COMING TO ANIME EXPO 2009!!!! Yes, OUR Teiou, my dear BL fans and seiyuu fans alike!!! REJOICE!!! We shall all pay homage to this FANTABULOUS VETERAN SEIYUU OF THE UNIVERSE!! I WONDER IF BLACK VELVET WILL COME! I WONDER IF HE'LL HOLD A CONCERT TOO!!

As an aside to Janee, YAY HIYAMA'S WIFEY COMES AFTER HIM!!! MAY THERE BE A CONCERT TOO!!!

Oh oh oh... I'm so happy I typed up a whole different post.......

KIMI THANK YOU FOR KILLING ME~~~~ HONTOU NI URESHI DESU~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥_♥

Kids are a handful

My brother is a handful, my nephew is a handful. After goofing off and getting scolded then crying, my nephew is asleep next to me instead of doing his homework. He's so going to get yelled at later, but hey, what can I do? 8D Kids are such a handful, but I love each and everyone of them dearly. I snapped pictures of my snoozing nephew.



Isn't he dear? ♥ So big now, time sure flies. He's exactly five and a half years old now. ::sighs::

Picspam

I'm happy to be home. Gramma doesn't remember me as usual. BUT I'M HOME.

And I'm buying clothes. At last. >__>

Picspam time! XD



The pants are zipped at the bottom so I can take the bottom chunks off to make it into a pair of capris. Yay! Expensive pants though. The shirt is awesome and comes with arm covers, except the shirt is a tad big. Sad for that.



I wore this out today. Me in a skirt, weird huh, especially with my tacky pale legs and black running shoes. XD The shirt is cute though!! My nephew thought the picture was a piece of bread. XD



Hoodie shirt, cute print. Ignore my thousand year old PJ shorts from elementary school.



SANCTUARY, YES OR NO!? ::rolls:: These are now officially my lulzy Daisaku Yunoki earrings.

Time for tea?

"The secret of being boring is to say everything."
-- Voltaire

Plug: http://seijiro.jugem.jp/?eid=647

Eee! I now keep Nakamura-san's blog on my RSS feed for this. 8D SEKI!!! Seki looks dorky cute as usual! Heehee. Did I mention he's playin Liu Bei in Souten Kouro? Yay, that's the 2nd Lau he's played! ::sporfles:: Oh, I really badly need to update the fansite though, d'oh. I'm glad I never got into the game, or I'd be hopping like mad over this anime. More cheers for Seki! ^0^V~ Good thing I never started playing SenBasa either. Historical games are too much for me to play without going crazy and wanting to actually know the history behind it and then FAIL. Yes you two, no Haruka for me, stop it! :P I certainly am not finding random beginner Japanese books and reading about Yoshitsune, nope!

Sometimes I stop and think, I talk an awful lot about games! I don't even play that much...

As this week is coming to a close, I realize how long I've been waiting to go home. This "vacation" of sorts has been long due, and these few days until I get to leave is dragging on longer and with more pain involved. If it were not for the happy thoughts that keep me going, I would be screaming at the people at work before loudly announcing my resignation. So before I take off and be accessible only via internet for a few weeks, I shall take the time to call people and thank them appropriately. For the readers of online presence whom I cannot call, I thank you for keeping up with me and being there. Your thoughtful words and simple gestures are greatly appreciated, no matter how I respond due to my moods. The internet is the one place I would never dream of leaving, I will forever live in the digital world! Hehehe, or not.

Ah, so why are we so connected to the internet? And at times when we do not have access to the net, some of us fret. I FRET. Is my lifeline embodied in that silly little ethernet cable? What a funny looking umbilical cord I have! But wait, there's also the wireless ones! Mmm, invisible wires, radio waves are my oxygen.....

What a twisted world we live in. What would they say in Wonderland of how our reality has warped? Oh how I wait for American McGee's Alice's sequel. Let's all return to the asylum, shall we?

"Those who say 'there's nothing like a nice cup of tea for calming the nerves' never had 'real' tea. It's like a syringe of adrenaline straight to the heart."
-- The Cheshire Cat from American McGee's Alice

Shall we take tea at 4 o'clock sharp today, my dear Kitty? This hatter does demand punctuality.

Long days ahead

Another year of RenFaire comes and goes! I hope everybody who went this year had fun, although I must say they toned it down quite a bit and told the faire workers to back off with the atmospheric approach. They're getting more commercialized now probably, but still a lot of fun. The joust is fun as always!! I didn't cheer for my usual knight this time, we actually went to cheer for the winning and bleeding bloke, hehehe. Long live the Queen! ::silently punts Prince Charles:: ... What? :D

As most of you know, I'm leaving soon, and if it weren't for happy thoughts, I might crumble this week. There is an immense amount of work to be done before I leave, and my boss has requested that I stay until 6pm every night. NOT overtime. Not like I ever get paid overtime anyway.

Yay... 6pm...

What a night...

Listening to: "君色フィルム" - Hirakawa Daisuke

Today was a pretty normal work day, and afterward, I went to Kei Wah to order a cake for my dad's birthday tomorrow. It's ridiculous how long it takes me to find a store even though there's only one row. ::facepalm:: I went to the mall after that to look for the remaining stuff for Johanna, only to wind up buying jeans (hey, the ones I was wearing had holes and tears all along the inseam, argh) and a pair of earrings. 8D I caved in and bought two pairs of jeans instead of one because they were on sale for $12.99 each. ::coughs:: This makes my shopping list lighter when I go home at least.

It was after I got home and started unwinding when my bestfriend called me. Totally distraught, she couldn't even talk properly so I mad dashed out my house to find her. Since I cannot go into details, all I can say is, if any of you believe in the power of prayer, please pray for her. I feel helpless and can only do the same for her, so please, I beg of anyone who comes across this, pray for those who are in need of spiritual guidance, clarify of mind, and comfort, because only God can grant those to her. Thank you to my friends who have already heard me out, I appreciate it more than anything.

In times like these, I'm reminded of how minuscule and insignificant we are as individuals, and yet, we can make a huge impact in someone's life if we only reached out. There are so many things that we cannot control in our lives, let alone other people's lives. Especially in times of darkness and despair, I hope there will always be a glimmer of hope and light remaining for all, and that we all know that there *is* someone to turn to for support. I cannot let my dearest Hope diminish, so if God wills it too, I will do my best.

Blue Ducks

Plug: Blue Ducks likely to die out in UK after male birds get together - Telegraph

Awww ducks! Ohhhh cute. There are so many topics that come to mind when thinking about these tasty adorable ducks. Natural selection and extinction are two main issues that my friends and I are looking at. To catch the tinge of sarcasm and disappointment in Mr. Steven's comments in the article, when survival of the species is at risk, is "love" more important? While I'm inclined to say, yes it is, there will no longer be any more of these cute little ducklings. I laughed at the comment about "bishounen vs obaasan" because, well, LOL. There's a storm boiling in my head, but I can't find the words to express these thoughts properly. My sentiments remain mixed, happy and doting on Ben and Jerry, and a bit sad about what this implicates...

HUNGRY!!! Lunch time!

Gaming

To follow along with a previous stream of thought, I think I'm nearing my game over soon. I'm running low on HP, MP, and items, and the boss is bearing down on me. (No BP left either.) Luckily, a reset is available soon as well, and maybe starting off at a previous save point will allow me some time to level up before I face this wretched boss again. By no means is it even the final boss, so why is it so difficult? Damn you Squall and Zell, have you lost my summons? I could really use Quetzalcoatl and Carbuncle right now. Normally I'd vouch for Bahamut and Diablos, since I've been using Squall more than Zell lately, but alas. I'm dealing with something far too delicate yet complicated to be using brute force on. This is definitely not my style, and I'm losing the battle.

I'm so terribly tired of all these games we're playing. I wish things would be direct for a change, so I can make well-informed decisions about my next move. Please don't let it be a checkmate, but it doesn't mean a stalemate is okay either.

Name of Love

Listening to: Name of Love - Ono Daisuke x Suzuki Tatsuhisa

I am *so* touched by Name of Love. The cast for the BLCD is OnoD and Tacchin, nyooooo! Gwaaaah, I'm dying. The manga is soooo sweet!! In the Name of Love, even the boundaries of identity can be conquered. Kouhei and Tetsu are so cute! Tacchin as Tetsu is very cute, especially his happy drunk voice. And OnoD as Kouhei, wah... I didn't think I'd like it but now that I'm listening to it, I'm very happy. OnoD definitely does well in these sort of roles, so much that I can't wipe this grin off my face. I wonder who plays Midori...! Oh gosh, mumbley drunk Tetsu is TOO CUTE!!!

Can't remember why I downloaded this one at all, but I'm glad I did.

In light of the stories in Name of Love, can love really conquer so many boundaries? The real world is unkind to those who love too much, those who are willing to give everything for the one they love. How does love survive?

"Human beings are ugly, but even so, human life is beautiful..."

Takase reminds me of Tsukimori.

If life is so hard, why do we keep pressing "continue" every time we hit a black screen? Unlike the games we play in which we can pause or walk away when we grow tired of it, the world will leave us behind if we do not keep up with it. How long will it be until we run out of tokens and game over?

In this game of life, I can only pray that we all press on in the name of Love, so before we game over, we will have done something meaningful. Everybody's life is an RPG in the making. What is yours about?

Mine's about Squall and Zell.

Obsessions

Office ambience...

Tick-tock, goes the clock. Oh wait, it's digital, it just blinks. I miss the sound of grandfather clocks, even the simple analog ones. The sound of ticking in time can drive one nuts or keep them sane. Which one are you? I'm the one who stays sane because of it. The persistent ticking regulates my physiological system and gives peace of mind. Perhaps it's psychological, and I wonder where I would trace the fascination to. I have an obsession with clocks and keeping time. Because I cannot keep time properly without an instrument. Tick-tock...

Back to Corda land now. I'm practicing for the last concert in Forte, maxed out Yunoki's affection points before it even started, then dropped his points a bit (ten mere points) because I *had* to go look for Hihara in the park. I mean, DUDE! :O I'm not going to leave him alone to angst in the park AT NIGHT over that!!! Yunoki, don't be mean to your best friend, he's already super considerate and doesn't progress any with me, much to my disappointment. ::looks the other way:: And. Kaji's looming at 934, scary. I have a concert date with him on Sunday AND a normal practice date with Yunoki on Saturday. WHY, WHY, WHY. Stop it you two, I won't be able to raise the other boys' levels at this rate!!! I want to work on Shimicchi and Hihara too!!! I have three heart events for Tsuchiura and Tsukimori, isn't that weird. The nighttime park event was Hihara's third heart event, so that's good. Huh. Everybody has three but Fuyuumi now. o_o I need Yunoki's last one. COME TO ME. ::paws at him::

I think I'll be able to go through the weekend before dinner tonight, so I'll see how Kaji and Yunoki fare by then. 28 days to practice currently, I think. Need four pieces, one red piece above level 17. Easy. Except. Kaji needs to level up. Everybody needs a little boost, actually. Shimicchi and Yunoki are fine though, how good are they anyway, sheesh!

Okay, enough about the game. Work today is incredibly hectic and it's driving me nuts, so I'm simply mentally escaping with this game. Is it bad when, even with the multiple places I frequent, I find myself unable to speak my mind once again? Maybe it's time to buy another domain reset.

It is so hot today, what gives?! AGK!!!

E Major!

Tsk on me, taking quizzes on Facebook when I should be working. 8D Hey everyone needs a break every so often... and look, I'm an E Major :D!!!

E Major (E)
E Majors are melancholic, intuitive, quiet, peaceful, and responsible. Songs written in E Major sounds sad, but unlike another melancholic key signature (B Minor), E Major songs are more deliberate. They are usually organized beings who know how to achieve their goals. E Majors share with A Majors a certain sympathy for others, but E Majors are more grounded on reality. E Majors are born humanitarians and would like to serve mankind as a purpose. However, they can be too selfless at times and tend to forget themselves. E Majors get along with all key signatures, especially B Minors who they share their melancholic nature. They can learn from the F sharp Majors but E Majors usually avoid them, seeing them as too self-centered.

Yes or No? CUE IN SANCTUARY!! Okay don't. Yay, I have four sharps!?

I ate way too much pizza yesterday, so my blood sugar is quite high today, FWEE! Gotta work on self restraint when it comes to food. Very berry difficult. =X

Picspam

Listening to: "雨音" - Ono Daisuke

I went shopping for a bit with Cynthia last night and came across this shirt at Charlotte Russe.



I must be playing too much Forte lately because the first thing that I thought of was HIHARA!!!!! And indeed, I'm still pondering whether or not to buy the green dress in the game, oh wait, ISN'T THE GREEN ONE FOR TSUCHIURA? Ah, I digress.

Practice tonight was successful, I hope. Tiring, exhausting, ate too much pizza and garlic dip, but the singing was okay. We trekked all the way to La Sierra to practice, and upon wandering the music hall stage and practice rooms, my brain is ringing off in Corda-land. How utterly silly is it when I'm thinking "OMG I CAN LEVEL UP MY SKILL POINTS 1.2X IF WE PRACTICE IN HERE INSTEAD OF THE AUDITORIUM!!!" @___@

Two more days of work, more practice, then skit. Durf. I can't wait for this week to be over.



See how Corda obsessed I am?????? This is bad!!! That and I keep thinking about Shimicchi's gift parallels O_O!!!

Less than a month to go

My tickets were booked today, at long last! I only informed Bonnie thus far, who is willing to help me purchase CDs from Japan ala a friend. ::headdesk:: There goes my savings for my hobbies. That aside, I'm finally going to get to go home. Not permanently, unfortunately, but it's something. For the weeks I'll be gone, I have virtually nothing to do but tend to my family, how wonderful is that? It's been nearly four years now, I think, I deserve to spend time with them. Can't wait! Distance from things here, both good and bad, will help put things into perspective. It's a long time to be gone, and while I anticipate being sore about one thing in particular, it will give me ample time to sort out my heart and mind. Nyosh...

I'm grateful that my mother isn't on her screaming spree anymore. Still, I can't wait to get away. Home awaits! Oh my beloved city, do you miss me? I should start packing!!!

Smith & Wesson

Smith & Wesson makes mountain bikes. I am so amused. Bikes. Smith & Wesson makes bikes. I still cant get over it. You people know what Smith & Wesson are known for, right?

Guns.

They make guns. Rifles. Knives. Guns.

And now they make bikes.

I wonder if they'll be at Interbike, because damn, I'd so be visiting them!!!

The Art of Manliness

Admittedly, I'm not the most feminine, girly, womanly, whatever, but I've got to say that this following site is awesome. It has a free cook book in PDF format! Ready? Ready.

Plug: The Art of Manliness

What exactly qualifies as being a man then? Being a gentleman. That's right folks, it's an art! Chivalry, look it up if you don't know what it is and master it! The hilarity behind the site is that if anyone claims to he's a "man" but has a serious need to consult that page, it's pretty sad. Fear not, that's what the internet is for, you can browse in private and no one would be the wiser. I'm not a guy, but hey, it's entertaining and educational for some.

I'll leave it at that for now.

Good Friday

Listening to: "Heaven's Halls" - Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing

Image plug: 090409_1.JPG

I know I shouldn't be linking images off Teiou's blog but, LOOKIE PRETTY STREET LAMP!!

Yesterday, I accidentally downloaded Meet the Spartans instead of Meet the Parents, and oh what lucky fate, my dear Kevin Sorbo is in it! As if I don't have six seasons of his gorgeousness, I have another random movie now. 8D Men prancing around in belted leather underwear alongside Carmen Electra? Um, I make questionable comments, don't I...

Ahem. In all seriousness, today is Good Friday. I spent Passover meal with Nozomi at her house, hoping we'd both feel better, and got home late. Hey, at least I ate. Today is Good Friday, and with the full moon high above our heads, we should spend some time in quiet contemplation and pay our respects to our Saviour. For that reason, I want to join the adults in bible study tonight instead of spending it with the kids. The moon has been draining my energy, I need what's left of it to focus on how blessed we are to have Someone who loves us enough to sacrifice His life so that we may be forgiven. Really, do we deserve to be forgiven? Probably not, but He loves us still and will forgive us as long as we are willing. How great is the gift of salvation, and because of this, we especially owe Him our reverence on this day. Let us pray for one another.

Escaping Reality

Listening to: "Bouquet ~Hohoemi no Hanataba~" - Masuda Yuki, Satou Akemi

I will begin with a game rant! I upgraded my custom firmware on Yunoki two nights ago, and now La Corda D'Oro 2 Forte, Final Fantasy Dissidia, and Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core in English are running peachy fine. BOOYA! So guess what I'm playing? ^_^

Last night, I decided to be silly and refuse to be a part of the ensemble in Forte, just to see what would happen. I had to refuse three times, I think, before it accepted my answer. Ousaki sempai and Fuyuumi looked soooo sad! And of course, it was a game over LOL. Oh and, guess what? Tsukimori liked one of my answers for once, imagine that. For the first time through, I'm definitely going for Yunoki's route, so I'm playing quartet with him, Kaji, and Fuyuumi. Brrr Kaji! This group is like me split into four parts. Kaji, with his fanboy stalker tendencies and overly cheerful demeanor, Yunoki with his wonderful smile and hidden agenda, Fuyuumi with her genuine but quiet happiness because she's playing with Hino, and well, I'm Hino since I'm playing her. Go team me! ::facedesk:: Haven't gotten very far, in fact, everyone's underpracticed. On the plus side, even if it irks me, since I'm starting with Kaji in the first concert, as long as I don't avoid him like the plague, I won't have to procrastinate leveling him up at the last concert and risk having Yunoki unhappy with me. ::laughs:: Oh, the plot thickens...

Ahem anyway. I've been delving back into the world of Corda to escape my mother. Got into a spat with her on Sunday, and I find my blood pressure skyrocketing every time I see her since then. Moving out is becoming more and more necessary because I'm going to die pretty soon at this rate. Despite everything I've tried, I'm still clinging onto the last thread of my sanity. There's so many things I'm worrying about in regards to moving out, most concerning my family, then school and financial matters. Do I give up my dream of becoming a teacher because I'm trying to stay alive? Maybe it's time to find something else to dream about.

Sigh, I really do live in Anagura, don't I?

At the end of the day

My boss didn't show up afterall. My planning keeps getting delayed, and my mother's going to crab about it again tonight. Ugh.

Old habits die hard, deshou? I obsessively and compulsively check my email, I always knew that. Even if I have to type in the URL when I'm at work, I do it. It borders on ridiculous, but hey, a habit's a habit, and a rabbit will always be a rabbit. But I'm a rat.

Thanks to my coworker who supplied me with M&Ms, I feel much better now. I was seriously low on blood sugar levels, and in combination of iron going away? I'll make sure to eat spinach and broccoli tomorrow at Souplantation to replenish that. My sincerest apologies for my depressive posts. They're not meant for anyone else but me anyway, I need to keep documentation of everything so I can track my patterns is all.

Today, happiness comes in the form of M&Ms, the candy that melts in your mouth, not your hand. ^_~

Yundi Li

Listening to: Calming Sea - Lifescapes

Yundi Li Clips:
Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2
Chopin - "Fantasie" Impromptu, Op. 66
Liszt - La Campanella

Yundi Li plays the pieces I love so beautifully. His facial expressions are a bit on the funny side, why does he remind me of bit of Uchida-san mixed with some Kamiyan? XD His style is so wonderfully delicate and his touch feathery yet solid. Full of emotion, yet not overly passionate, just the right amount to make him an awesome pianist of the Romantic style. Oh. How my heart soars. I don't think I've had a favourite pianist aside from Maksim's integration of classical with techno and contemporary elements, but I think I've found one at last. He performs with the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra, so I wonder if I'd be able to hear him live... At age 26, this guy floors me. And hey look, birthday's only a day before mine. Keke. Totally irrelevant, ignore me. ^_^

May I marry a pianist someday, so that our lives will be a neverending symphony. Teehee~♥. I'll always be a Romantic at heart.

Weirdness

Listening to: "Dice" - Takahashi Naozumi

Plug: Associated Press: Honda connects brain thoughts with robotics

Oh that is awesome, if not a little disturbing. But hey, WAY COOL! I don't want to wear something that big to just to open my garage door though, remotes serve their purpose. However, if I can remote control my garage from work by plopping on that helmet, then that's another story. ::cackles::

Weirdness aside, today is a relatively bright day considering I had massive blood loss this morning. Nosebleeds are no fun, they leave me feeling weak and drained. It might be nice to be a vampire sometimes, so I can directly replenish my blood supply. Okay, really ending the weird talk now.

Tuesday Thankful Three
1. Chewing gum, yum!
2. This past weekend for the break from everything, good and bad.
3. God, for being in control when I cannot do everything myself.

Reverend Keith's sermon made me think about an extremely touchy subject for me - Control (with a capital C!). Being a J (Judging/Rational) versus a P (Perceiving/Irrational) behaviour person, I'm somewhat of a control maniac. In his sermon, he discussed knowing when to let go and let God take control. Ah, still don't know how to do it, can only pray about it.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference."
-- Saint Francis of Assisi

Weekend Summary

Listening to: "Sweet Secret" - Kishio Daisuke

This weekend was a blast, with the only downside being that I got sick. Still came to work though, heh, can't afford not to be here. Flight to and fro San Jose is so short, totally unlike my usual flights that last a few full length movie's worth. Weird. Never knew how easy domestic flights are. Saa and Kimi fed me lots of steak and music over the weekend, so happy! Playing Rock Band was fun to watch, but I myself am the ultimate phail LOL. The Corda sheet music box makes us all very happy people. *_* I revisited a bunch of songs I haven't played in ages and then some. The three tenors on DVD was awesome, makes me sad that I missed their live performance last weekend! Some of the songs were really touching, ended up crying a bit. "Leaving on a Jet Plane" is so beautiful and bittersweet. ::sniffles:: The original compositions were all so good, we just don't find much music like that these days. Even if I'm not particularly a fan of the guitar, these guys are made of pure awesomesauce. We went to Taco Bell for lunch then karaoke afterwards, woohoo FUN! We wanted to go to their parents' symphonic concert afterwards, but I was so dead tired and didn't want to pass out during the performance that I opted for staying home. I have no idea what happened after that too, brain shut off.... We watched some SNL? Anyway, we had church on Sunday and there was this really yummy sesame cookie! *_* Yummy Mexican food for lunch, bummed around chatting and recounting stories with Saa, then off to airport.

Well, that has got to be the worst synopsis I have ever typed up, but I'm rather drained from being sick. I think I'm going to buy some oatmeal after work.

Almost forgot to mention, it was my dear Daisaku's birthday on Saturday, and so we celebrated a little by playing my stash of Daisaku music. ::cackles:: STILL CELEBRATING!!!

♥♥♥ Happy Birthday to Kishio Daisuke!!! ♥♥♥

Because my giant hamster deserves some love too. Just don't listen to his Hyakka Seiran track. ♥

Weekend Booked!

I'm booked! Thanks to Kimi for helping me out with my flight, ::SQUISHGLOMPLUFFLE:: I'm flying to San Jose tomorrow evening! Leaving work early at 3pm and no lunch, woes, but they'll feed me when I get there! I can't wait to see everybody again, YAY!! So exciting, albeit the last minute planning which usually would bring hectic anxiety to my plate. This is my first non-international flight, believe it or not, and I'm a little wary about what to do and what documentation I need to bring. In other news, I received my new driver's license in the mail yesterday. I'm smiling weird, again, but hey, better than the old one.

Okay. How sad is this, we Google-map our competitors' locations so we can look at their warehouses, even though the pictures are outdated. Yup, that's where I work.

Everything in Moderation

Listening to: "Sweet Secret" - Kishio Daisuke

Everything in Moderation.

I totally did not follow that rule yesterday and am in certain distress today for it. I ate *way* too much!!! It was so yummy and yet so horrible at the same time! Sigh. I've been humbled. Everything I tried to eat today caused instataneous distress, woes! Lesson relearned.

This weekend, I want to be able to fly up to visit Saa and Kimi, but due to lack of preparation, I'm unsure if this will happen. Going to keep my fingers crossed...! The distance from everything around here will help me clear my mind. Hopefully.

After work, I think I'm going to shop for phones. Finally got it through to my mother that renewing the contract and getting a new phone isn't going to charge her any more money (since I'll be paying for the phone), so I can shop! After looking around previously, I thought the G1 was pretty good, but I'm with AT&T. ::grumbles:: I'm not about to get the iPhone if it forces me to get the data plan, which my mother will definitely not agree to since that's an extra $30 monthly, ouch. Will see, however, if it's worth it. Shopping's shopping, don't have to buy anything yet!

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. Dried blueberries.
2. Phone shopping trip after work.
3. Kimi ♥!!!

Coworker gave me directions to the Brea mall, now that I know how to get there, I have a new mall to peruse! Yes, I have no sense of direction. Fun times.

Owachatta~!

It's over! Long weekend over! It was fun while it lasted, a bit painful in the head, but fun nonetheless. The minor conflicts within the group and the bitter feelings all dissipated now that it's all over. Thank you to the Hwang's for putting up with us and feeding us all! *_* I learned an important lesson about living with people. I mean, living as in accepting people into your life and working together with them to accomplish a greater goal. I've worked alone thus far, and boy is the road difficult and lonely. Now, there are people all around. No relationship is without arguments and conflicts, life is not a crystal apple (ala Love Generation), but it is a windy nature path. It's not easy to embrace others into your life, but it's even harder to walk that road alone, I've learned. I thank God everyday that I have friends and for reuniting with my family. Life is brimming with the potential for happiness, all we need to do it look. Accept it, it's there already. Shut your eyes and open your mind. There's a wonderful sound to be heard on every corner.

In other news, Daisaku's Hyakka Seiran track is HORRENDOUS. Love you but, good GRACIOUS! Are you TRYING to kill us?

Discord = Headache

Listening to: "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" - Tom Lehrer

Can someone shoot me in the head now? Ensemble practice makes me want to slam my head inside the piano so at least my brains will splatter somewhere I like. Okay no, that's gross. Augh, headache. Tonight's location had too much reverb, no good when there's a mass of MESS. DISCORD!!! Help. ::cries:: I'm convinced that discordant noise lowers my mood considerably, as I really should be in a decent state tonight. But no. I drove home alone listening to my music, trying to repair my brain, but I feel like crying. No good at all.

One last rehearsal tomorrow, then the actual recording. Then, perhaps, no more of this depressant. I love music, I love instruments, I love duets, triplets, quartets, and maybe even quintets, but any more than that? SHOOT ME.

Damn I'm emo. :P

Happy Birthday, Bach!

Listening to: "Oh My Love" - Ishikawa Hideo

Today, we celebrate another awesome musician's birthday.

Happy Birthday to Johann Sebastian Bach!

Born in 1685 and lived until the age of 65, Bach is too amazing for my words. A composer, a devout Christian, a virtuoso, a father, and a teacher. I'm no expert on this man, but hey HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! We're still loving your music over 250 years later! The Baroque style just wouldn't be the same without you. X3

Tonight is the first of our last practice ensemble rehearsals. I am *so* beat, my head aches, my shoulders ache, my brain's dead. ("Byakudan Yuugi" is on, you can't blame me for being dead when Tomomasa is crooning at me.) I think I'm getting nervous again.

Work today was similarly tiring. This week has certainly been one of the busiest I've had thus far. Le sigh! (Gaaah Gabriel, do you know how long it took to get that OUT of my vocabulary???) Long week, long weekend to come. Hope we all survive this weekend, and I hope I can survive the coming week.....

So why am I awake? Oh, right, my hair is dripping wet. Kimi is home, and their Three Tenors are singing this Sunday too. I want to be there too, but wah, we're recording too! Save me a DVD, I'll buy one ne!! ^____^

Aspire or iTouch?

Listening to: "Omae to iu Hidamari" - Seki Tomokazu

Plug: ACER Netbook Aspire One (Blue) 8.9" Intel Atom N270 1GB RAM 120GB Hard Drive Webcam 802.11G Wireless 2.19lbs Windows XP HOME

I want that. Or the 16gb iTouch for the same price. Want, but do not need. I just thought it would be nice to make one big purchase before the tax rates go up to 9.25%. I even went to Fry's yesterday to try to convince myself to buy something, but what did I do? I walked out with $0.99 index cards. Yup. I'm a massive failure at shopping. I also saw a Lenovo laptop, very similar, for approximately $50 more. VERY CUTE! No SD card slot.

Orders are trickling in slowly...

I suspect that by the end of this weekend, I will be over and done with Christmas songs for at least a month. Three days in a row will our TOFU ensemble have to play that Christmas medley. Oh and, Kimi, would you kill me if I uploaded our "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel" to YouTube? 8D Because I upped it already but nobody knows about it. I look so dreadfully bored or something, but Kimi SQUISHY♥!! Flautists = ♥!!! X3

"Hatsukoi yo Natsu Arashi ni nare" is love. When will my OTP perform this live? They should be married, really! Naokun, you promised me... even though it was only in my dream!!! ::SHOT:: I should designate a song everyday as the LOVE SONG OF THE DAY or something. ::laughs::

Thursday Thankful Three
1. "PRECIOUS" is precious.
2. Miyatacchi♥Naokun forever.
3. "Pavane pour une infante défunte" flute solo.

Someday, I will have to learn the pavane entirely, not just the accompaniment. Dance too! Alas, hard! I can't sight read the damn thing! Wikipedia has the piece on piano at the bottom, and listening to it makes me melty. Oh, I wish Tsuchiura would play it in Corda too so I could hear Okada Masaru play it *_*! A Liszt pianist performing Ravel, ah, delicious!

Music and Cosplay Rambles

Listening to: “雪降る街のCeremony” - Hirakawa Daisuke

Plug: Darwin’s Pianist Wife Influenced Theories: Discovery News
(Oops, I forgot to link it when I pasted over.)

Interesting article, read it. Ahh, gotta love music. I’m having an explosion of music love tonight, from Chopin to Naokun. ♥ Even OnoD was fun to watch. Unfortunately, no Granrodeo or 2Hearts for me, sad! I want to watch and listen to those awesome boys!!!

And this song expresses absolute Love. It is my impossible dream. Someday, one day, I hope the man I love will sing that to me. Or, hey, maybe I’ll sing it to the other person and just hope they’ll marry me. ああ、夢の中で… Hiradai, keep smiling, always! ♥

Cosplay rambling time! Before I start yammering at wanting a Bernard for myself, I best get my own Bernard costume compiled first. However, Yunoki is my priority!! Too bad I can’t cosplay Tsuchiura, or…? I’m not tall enough, but am I buff enough for him? XD Not passionate enough at my playing either! I want a passionate, manly Tsuchiura mmm, now *that* I’d dig. ::laughs:: Yunoki into Tsuchiura, that’s new. Since I can’t have my OTP for cosplay, I’ll settle for weirdness? XD HOW ABOUT SHIMIZU??? Then we could sing “Sotto Voce” and make everyone’s ears bleed put everyone to sleep! Alas, we don’t have a Shimizu… That and my Shimizu would make a better Yunoki, not that he would ever consent.

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. Music = ♥
2. Naokun = squishy adorable ♥
3. Chipotle = stomach ♥

I think I’m getting sick…

Guess whose birthday is on Saturday? ^_~

Black&White = Itouken&Mogi

Listening to: "Pale Repetition" - Morita Masakazu

Plug: 徒然なるイトケンの日々 - 祭りの後

Oh my goodness, ITOUKEN AND MOGI, YOU GUYS!! XDDDD Ohhhhh you two are TOO CUTE IN MATCHING black and white outfits??? They're being Yunoki combi? LOL YUNOKI COMBI. Oh. Kimi. Did they sing "W-BREEZE" or "W-BLIZZARD" again? X3 Gosh, I'm spazzing out at work. I don't think adding Itouken's blog to my rss feed was a good thing because I'm so flippy. Durfffff!

And a Mogi song is playing. How typical of him to stalk my brainwaves. XP Better than a certain Arashi I know as of now, harumph!

PRECIOUS

Listening to: "PRECIOUS" - Morita Masakazu

OMG MOGI LOVES ME HE SUNG "PRECIOUS" OMG OMG OMG HE SUNG IT AS I REQUESTED OMG I'M BURSTING WITH INSANE SPARKLES AND OMG I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE DVD COMES OUT MOGI I I I AHHHHHHHH THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

AND OF COURSE THANK YOU JANEE FOR PASSING MY MESSAGE TO HIM!!!!!

TGIF

Shopping yesterday ended rather interestingly. I bought dark green hair dye because it was 50% off. Mmm, Tsuchiura green, I mean, what? ^_^ After process of elimination, I'm pretty sure my stomachache was caused by meat not cooked properly from lunch, and I was tossing and turning all night until 7am. What's worse is that I can't eat anything solid today. My body seems to be telling me I have food poisoning, as I'm craving oatmeal when I would normally avoid it. I hope my uncle has oatmeal in their house!! Argh. Okay, enough about my digestive system.

Today is a slow day, but that's okay because it's FRIDAY!

Friday Thankful Three
1. See's Candy chocolate truffles.
2. Tea now, and more tea later at bible study!
3. Nails. (See below.)



Cynthia did my nails yesterday. I'm aware that my nails are short and I have funny hands, but YAY SHINY!

Talk about easily distracted.

Cemetery Dance Coming Soon!

Cemetery Dance will be released on the 12th of May, 2009! That's exactly two months away! I'm so excited! Until then, I have Mount Dragon and The Ice Limit to hold me off, if I find the time to read, that is. ::facepalm:: Still, the wait will be over soon. More Aloysius Pendergast, and maybe some Diogenes too, for me! Time to start stalking the library reserve list...

Ironically, I feel like shopping today. For what and why, I haven't a clue. In news of Seki's Cosmo-X production, I'm massively estatic, to put it bluntly. I'm also hopeful that the Corda music book might surface, ahaha, but until then, we can't talk too much about it Kimi or we'll both explode.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I've never seen it as a special day, for better or for worse, but nevertheless, most people call it "Black Friday" and associate it with bad luck. Tomorrow is the 2nd of three 13ths landing on a Friday this year. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm looking forward to it! TGIF as always!

Due to Ryan's incessant babble about horoscopes and astrology lately, I've been revisiting it too. I think it's interesting how the alignment of the stars affects each individual's inclinations, however, I also believe in free will. Believing in those theories 100% is just as good as dooming oneself to plunging towards an uncontrollable, one-way course to a predetermined death. Fate, unmei. How much of destiny do you believe in, and how much do you think you can control your own fate? Always tread carefully on these dangerous grounds, my friends.

Family Matters

Listening to: "LOVE" - Tsujitani Kouji

I feel a bit invigorated from Sabbath. I can breathe, whew. My plan totally fell through, I mean, what exactly is the point of all that mental preparation when my efforts were nullified? Am I Yunoki singing "Sweet Secret?" Kimi ga iru????

While I'm irritated at my mother's yelling about my curfew yet again (because her reasoning is so faulty, I mean, so what if there's more unemployed people? Are unemployed people going to chase moving cars at night?), I am delighted to hear her say that she heard from my uncle that he wants me out of his house at 11pm. REALLY NOW? She hasn't been talking to her sister lately I know, so the only way she would know is... SHE talked to HIM?? REALLY??? Even if that means Alvin and I both get chewed out, THEY ACTUALLY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? Give me a moment to shout please, PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!! If I keep testing the waters with my mother and unfortunately involving my uncle in the matter, does that mean they'll talk more? XD It's working, it's working! I'm not employing the healthiest method, obviously, but hey, it's working!

Honestly, I shouldn't be so happy. I'm causing quite a deal of stress for them, aren't I? ::beams:: Still, I feel accomplished. It's been way too many years, this cold war needs to end. Please keep praying with me.

Tsujitani-san's english is really funny in this song. Hora hora, here's what he sung:

I was born to love you
My love's forever
I will keep giving true love

That's not what I heard! XD

Personal Reflections

Today seemed like a good day for contemplations, and so I did just that. Unfortunately, it took a toll on me. In thinking about the meaning life, one looks inward and outward simultaneously, trying to grasp the universe with one's limited mind. Obviously, it baffled me more than anything, but I did think about a few concepts. Freedom and liberty, on which this country's foundation is based, and the pursuit of happiness. Truth and beauty, glancing at each other while going hand in hand, and last but definitely not the least, love. Upon these ideals do we, even serial murderers, base their lives. There are certainly warped interpretations of these, but I think we all strive to attain and mold them into our lives, someway somehow.

Because of the way I think, I try to make sense of these concepts in my own life through a microscope. After years and years of formulating my standards, principles, and character, I am human afterall and continue to change with time and circumstances. How would I take each of these and apply it to my daily life? In gaining independence comes freedom and liberty, yet so many neglect the responsibility that comes with it. Freedom comes at a price, as does all things in life, and nobody is exempt from it. Even a fool has to realize that at some point. Pursuing happiness has always been a romantic ideal throughout history, and while we all seek it, is there ever a definite "happiness" that is true for everyone? Are smiling and laughing symptoms of happiness, or are those just our perceptions of what happiness should look like? Perhaps it is overly negative of me to think that those are mere facades. I could as easily don a smile and laugh even when I'm severely unhappy. It would be silly of me to try to cover this topic in one short post, but I will conclude that pursuing happiness is not futile yet it will be forever sought out until the day one ceases to live, which brings me to the next concepts. Is it not true that someday we will inevitably die and, perhaps, even be forgotten? Yet, I say beauty walks hand in hand with truth, because we are living the truth of life, and it is the brevity of life and what one makes of it that is the utmost expression of true beauty. And what makes life beautiful? Love. As a movie once said, "Love is like oxygen," and nothing can live without it. Nothing can exist without love, it is the very essence of life, of everything under the skies, and even these abstract ideals. Ah, I cannot imagine a world without love, "For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, so that we shall not perish but have everlasting life." How can I possibly apply all that into my own miniscule life, when I am less than a grain of sand? To think that somebody out there would love and care for someone so insignificant as I, it gives hope and vision into the grandeur of these ideals. I am prone to circular logic when it comes to the dark side of life, so why not delve into the light? To discover that life is worth living because these ideals are not beyond our grasp, is that not wonderful?

Then so, why can I not rise above myself and be filled with light instead of this miserable state I'm in? Why indeed.

In so, I'm resigning myself to a social hiatus until I can clear my mind. I have a lot of personal decisions I need to make, which is no excuse, so I apologize ahead of time for withdrawing further into my sanctuary. I've been acting like a fool lately, for which I must ask for forgiveness from those I dare not ask directly. My behaviour is inexcusable, and I will try my best to be a better person.

More Birthdays!

Okay, because I didn't post on Sunday, and since I have one more birthday to append today...

On March 1st, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to~~~
» Frederic Chopin
» Kanazawa Hiroto

*___* To my beloved Chopin and to my onesdoIreally beloved sensei, HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!! Kimi and I celebrated in small but meaningful ways, from a few of us playing Chopin pieces at church and afterwards on Saturday, to "Voice of My Soul" rendition of the "Revolutionary Etude," and to discussion! And of course, for my our dearly beloved Kanayan sensei, songs, loads of Ishikawa goodness, and good thoughts. Mmm, fizzout!

Then today, KUSC alerted me to one more birthday I missed...

Happy Birthday to Antonio Vivaldi!

"Four Seasons," anybody? ::laughs:: This would be his 331st year, wow. Here's to an awesome composer and violinist and priest ala Bonnie, may our day be filled with strings, strings, and more strings! Sheep guts! Mmm... I digress.

Taisetsuna mono

Listening to: "An Ocean of Memories" - Titanic

I still smell like shrimp after showering. Thanks, Voldemort you-know-who.

Looking back, as bitter as I was about the separation, it taught me long suffering and perseverance. Now, I can full reap the joys of recovering that which was lost. Not to be weird or anything, but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! So I'll keep my emotional account out of his reach, but I still want to share how much this means to me somehow. We both understand it without spoken words as, oddly enough, with so many years apart, we are alike in so many ways. Thank God for this interesting coincidence? Thicker than water, indeed. Omae wa ore no taisetsuna mono!!! No, not meant to be weird at all.

So much for a coherent entry. Smelling like shrimp is distracting me like crazy.

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO~~~
- Yesterday: Mommy Hasegawa
- Today: Kimi ♥♥♥
- Today: Terence
- Today: Kris

Happy birthday to you March babies!! ^0^

21 Questions Meme

I'm stealing memes again, ahoy!

21 Questions

1. My ex... is nonexistant.

2. Maybe I should... stop micromanaging my life.

3. I love... God.

4. People would say that I'm... quite fanatical.

5. I don't understand... how anyone would prefer not to think. ::CRINGE::

6. When I wake up in the morning... I try to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep.

7. I lost... my sanity once at the end of 6th grade.

8. Life is full of... messages from God.

9. My past is... painful.

10. I get annoyed when... I fall short of my expectations.

11. Parties are... rare.

12. I wish... I could make someone truly happy.

13. Dogs... are love.

14. Cats... remind me of Kanayan.

15. Tomorrow... isn't Friday, woes!

16. I have low tolerance for... inappropriate immaturity.

17. If I had a million dollars... I would spend a lot of time allocating it properly.

18. I'm totally terrified... of going insane.

19. My spouse... is currently a fictional half-Saiyan. ♥

20. My life... has a special happy sparkle in it.

21. My motto... is to know thyself inside out.

That was a nice interlude in my work day.

Happiness Guidelines

In an email from Irene, here is a wonderful list for happiness.



What a great list of daily reminders.

Lack of entries!

The middle of the week is usually the slowest at work. While Fridays are busy, I'm thinking about taking the day off. Actually, I don't really want to, me with my money worries, but it's Cynthia's birthday so I think I'll grant her wish and spend time with her instead. I don't forsee myself taking any more days off unless absolutely necessary, so I think I can afford one day off. Right? I have to convince myself somehow. ::cringes::

I saw a cute t-shirt online a few days ago. "I'll be Bach," it says, with a picture of Bach half normal and half terminator. ::laughs:: Oh the dorkiness, oh our governor! 8D

There's been a decline in blog entries lately, mostly due to the fact that I'm more or less busy at work now and have things to do after work. I miss ranting and raving! (I'm sure nobody misses reading it though.)

End pointless post. :P

Horrible Customers

Listening to: "Yuuniji no Awaki Himegoto" - Hoshi Souichirou

I've been having a rather good day until this sour taste invaded my mouth. Let's start on a positive note, shall we? I had a hard time waking up this morning, but I was peachy fine when I got to work. There was a lot to do this morning, which always makes me happy. Also, I was looking forward to lunch. Mmm, Chipotle! The Choo's gave me a Chipotle giftcard this weekend and I was more than excited to have a real lunch today!! So off I went to get a burrito bowl, and when the register rang up the balance after my meal, my jaw dropped. I'm. Utterly. Floored. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I cannot thank you guys enough, this will feed me for a month or more, THANK YOU!!!!! Wah, I'm speechless.

Now for the bad part. Despite being rather chipper, one phone call disrupted it all. An eBay customer who placed a small order made a big fuss about us not shipping to PO boxes. Honestly, it's not even our policy, it's FedEx's. Yet, this guy was screaming and cursing at me while I was trying to listen and help him. In the end, he wanted his money back, which is fine, but he kept screaming. I'm not at fault nor should I care, but I got so incredibly angry. Even though I kept telling myself to let him rave and just proceed with cancelling his order as per his request, my blood started boiling. My stomach hurts really badly now. My body reacts quicker than I can tell myself to ignore it, and now I feel a bit like curling over and dying. Urgh.

Hirakawa Danna

Listening to: "The Power of Love" - Il Divo

Ufufufu, Hiradai's Danna is WAY TOO CUTE!! His proposal? Not manly at all, ironically Ishida's was more manly. ::dodges tomatoes from Kimi:: (Or not ironic, depends on who you're talking to hehe.) But I love Hiradai's so much! His words made me mooshy, and when he started crying, I wanted to cry too because he wouldn't stop. Nakanaide! Sigh, am I hopeless or what.

For the past few days, I've been thinking really hard about the first number of the transformation list. Looking back to things I discussed with people, I'm still keeping up these impossible standards, darn! Must learn to let people blunder and leave them be! Yet, today I thought, should this apply to my workplace as well? I shouldn't tolerate mistakes at work, whether with myself or someone else, or at least be trying to fix them! That's a tough one for me, learning when to back off and when to push my limits at work. Today, my orders rolled in rather nicely, and I found myself obsessively ordering and checking over my work multiple times and in different ways. Great, as if I'm not finicky enough, I'm picking up on my boss' paranoid habits too. Where should the balance be, whether it is work or personal matters, in regards to having a set of high yet manageable standards that don't stress me out?

I know I said I'd do one at a time, but I think I'm going to go crazy if I'm only thinking of one at a time. ::grimaces:: I like multi-tasking.

#2
I NOW RELEASE my fear of losing control and becoming irrational.

Believe it or not, I tried this one out very recently. The unknown is terribly frightening!!! Yes, I did this one subconsciously, but the fear of not being in control of my every action and not being in line with my normal behaviour patterns did not go away. When does fear becoming unmanageable? I still allowed myself to be impulsive, that counts for something, right? Yet, immediately after, I was reminded of why I absolutely do not allow myself to lose control. It's upsetting.

Okay, that was one big ball of negativity right there, shift gears! I had more nanchatte tonkotsu ramen tonight. HAPPY!!!! Allow me to be mindless for today's Thankful Three.

Monday Thankful Three
01. Nanchatte Tonkotsu Ramen.
02. Hiradai and Ishida-san's Danna Catalogue CD.
03. Il Divo.

Random, is suspicion a good or bad thing? I know it varies with the situation but... overall???