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Listening: "Kizuna" - Kamenashi Kazuya Yesterday, everyone playing Apples to Apples seemed to know the perfect card to put down for my adjective, "hopeless." HEY!!!! Why did everyone associate that adjective so casually with me!! ::facedesk:: My Yeema won that round for putting down "Japanese," which, for ONCE, outweighed "steak and potatoes." Guh. Normally, my steak and potatoes would outweigh everything across the board in regards to what is absolutely hopeless for me, but "Japanese" won yesterday because my mind was cluttered with Seki, seiyuu, Honey Bee, and Koei. GRRRR KOEI!!! I still have yet to order the three duet CDs, and and and, and THE SLASHY KENS HAVE A HITSUJI CD!!! According to Janee, Horiken is shachou, and Nariken is peaceful secretary. ::jams desk into jaw:: Yeah. That one will be mine baby, 俺の者、くそ～！＞＜ Am I hopeless or what? Okay, Yeema, you win. So while Apples to Apples is fresh in my mind, I started thinking about it in song terms. "SANCTUARY ~Yes/No" and "Kizuna" ran across my mind, and no, not because one is sung well and the other is absolutely horrifying. I thought, it would be crazy fun if Apples to Apples were played with song titles! Saa and Kimi, would you two want to help me draft this up? It would be so fun!!!! XD And even if we don't know the songs themselves, the titles will be sufficient enough! For example, "SANCTUARY ~Yes/No~" can be for "deceptive" and "Kizuna" can be for "questionable" or "adorable," depending on who's choosing! XD Wouldn't that be fun? 絆、か？わかりましたね？ふふふ。。。
Listening: "Titanic Suite" - James Horner Boy did we have a handful tonight. We had a guest pastor today, and hrm, should I mention my derailment of thought? His voice was bassy and he had an Australian accent, yes, I'm a seiyuu fan, c'mon, you can't NOT expect me to go "ooh" at good voices! Sermon about the prodigal son nearly made me cry because I was thinking about my friend the entire time. It really eats at me, waiting for her to realize what she's doing and come back to me. The waiting is so painful, and I think what hurts me most is that I think it's intentional. I felt better talking about it later, thank you, you know who you are, and I will continue to pray for her to "come to herself" as the parable describes. After potluck, we went to a homeless shelter in Whittier and passed out clothes and food. Mostly clothes, actually. It was a really good experience for us: some of us spoke to the people there and learned about their stories, some sung songs for or with them, but most importantly of all, all of us realized just how fortunate we are. I'd like to believe that we all saw the good we were doing for the shelter and also see that we should cherish and be thankful for all that we have in our lives when there are so many people out there in need of things that we take for granted. I believe there are many take-home lessons to be learned here, but in personal reflection, I think that one is what called to me the most. Especially in times when I feel pain and loss, like in the situation with my friend, I realize how fortunate I am to have friends and family who care about me. Sure we blunder, but ultimately, I'm not alone anymore. The gift of love is more than I expected to get, and I hope I never ever take that for granted. I also have a roof over my head and I don't have to worry about not having enough money to pay my bills - I have all that I need to survive, is that not enough? None of this I will take with me when I die anyway, as long as I can survive, it's good enough, but I also have enough to live comfortably. How can I not be grateful for what I have! So after accomplishing our mission tonight, we ran into a scary thing. One of our cars was involved in a pretty bad accident, and while nobody was hurt, the car is very badly damaged. The two backseat passengers hit their heads and one threw up later, but there seems to be nothing serious. THANK GOD. Accidents happen, but THANK GOD that nobody was seriously injured! Whew, what a relief I had when we saw with our own eyes that everyone was indeed okay. Tonight, I ask for prayers for all those that were involved in the accident, may the matters be cleared and injured, however lightly, folk be fully well as the new day approaches. As we heared from a recorded sermon in our bible study today, our time in this world is limited. So let us use our time wisely, and may God grant us the wisdom to make decisions and do things that will put a smile on our Lord's face! With that off my chest, I can sleep better tonight. I have lunch with Audrey tomorrow and a little get-together at Uncle Dominic's afterwards. I hope it'll be fun!
Listening: "Jack Dawson's Luck" - James Horner Christmas this year was normal, I spent my Christmas day sleeping and woke up for dinner at Garden with parents, aunt, and grandma. Boxing day, my most joyous day, was good. Until evening came anyway. I had gone shopping at the Bookoff in Costa Mesa, picked up something for somebody at Kinokuniya, and came back to LA to wait for dinner time and bible study. Then I got five texts in a row from a friend. Five very distressing text messages that ruined my mood entirely, and I've been on the verge of tears every other second tonight. I don't know what to do, if I can do anything at all, and if I'm at fault. Is there anything I can do to remedy this? I can't even find a way to talk about this on the computer, which is rare for me. All I can do right now is pray. I pray God will help her and me get through this, help both of us understand each other, so on so forth yada blah. I don't even know what it is I'm praying for, but my heart hurts. I'm at a loss for words.
Tonight, I had a choice of three places to go for dinner. Parents, Uncle and his family, or Bonnie and her family. Ultimately, I chose to spend time with my uncle, aunt, and cousins instead of the other two options. I had such fun tonight that I would do it again if I could. We went to BJ's for dinner, and Davin and I split the new Mediterranean pizza. MMM! Then back home, we karaoked Christmas songs like crazy. Davin and I did, mostly, with a little bit of Alvin since we forced him, and my uncle singing with or without the mic. This is the family I remember spending Christmas with when I first immigrated, the people who I had fun hanging out with and love dearly. The only time I remember being a child before it was all taken away. While I can never make up for all those lost years, I had so much fun with my baby cousin Davin that I don't need to look into the past anymore. I have them now, and that's what matters, right? Even if I rarely get to spend time out with my cousins, I now know that it's possible again. That Davin (unfortunately, Alvin's pretty stubborn about not singing heh) and I will get to goof off and torture Alvin with our made-up melodies and off-key singing, and that I am able to look to them for opinions. ::grins:: In conclusion to this blessed evening? Even though I had a long work day in which I really didn't care to be there, I have discovered what it means to have family who love you and want you to be there with them. I was able to feel the Christmas spirit at the very last moment, singing traditional and children Christmas songs with Davin. Love is mine for the taking at last, it's not only me who's giving. Thanks be to God! How awesome is that! Even if I'm moody and sad, even if I'm tired and irritated, love is all you need. All I need. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone. I hope everyone out there is experiencing a spark of hope too.
Today is phlegm day. My sore throat is not as bad as yesterday, so maybe the infection is dying down. As a reflection of that, dead stuff in my throat! #_# Earlier, we had a will-call customer with her little girl, babbling and cute as can be. I was doing inventory of our showroom at the time, clipping tags and hauling bikes around, and then I looked outside. It's a beautiful day today, and I thought, what a wonderful day it is to go biking! When driving to work earlier, I saw the mountains, capped with snow, pine trees afar looking evergreen, and picture perfect clouds hovering the mountain tops. How romantic it would be to enjoy the cool, crisp air today in the mountains or on the beach, on one of a mountain bike or on one of our beach cruisers, riding with someone you love. Spending time in nature with people you love, significant other or not, makes one feel warm and fuzzy, even if the air is nippy. ::insert long sigh here:: XD Despite the fact that I'm sick but getting slightly better, the thought makes me smile inside. So... Today's Happy Point: Oxygen. Breathe, everybody! The air is cool, the pollution is a little bit clearer, and there is plenty of renewed oxygen in the air because all our vegetation has been watered! Thank God for the rain, and thank God for the air we breathe. Oxygen fills our lungs with life and energy, and while happiness doesn't come naturally with oxygen, just imagine how sweet oxygen is to one who is suffocating or drowning. We certainly don't appreciate this enough, taking every breath we take for granted, as if we have a right to it. God created this world for us, and it is HIS right to continually allow us to use it. Let's take a moment to contemplate the wonders of our universe, from human-made computers we use to the animals we see, and right down to the air we breathe. Amen!
Sickness becomes me. FLU! FEVER! STOMACHACHE! UWARGH! Yeah. Despite all that, I'm at work. Dying, but antibiotic'd and panadol'd. Hotpot and grandmother's birthday cake killed my stomach, and I am not happy. Regardless, must focus on positives. So let's start with the happy point. Today's Happy Point: Sleep. I slept lots yesterday, had a semi-good rest last night, albeit short, and will sleep in the car for lunch today since I cannot eat for 24 hours anyway. Stupid stomachache. I'll live. >_> What a mundane post! Walk away...
Listening: "Only Love" - Trademark Thankful Things01) Ishikawa Hideo, it's his birthday! 02) Sabbath, the Lord's rest and mine too. 03) Church friends, for making me feel like a person. 04) Uncle Daniel, for treating us to dinner. *_____* 05) Bistro Pasqual, the yummiest yet accessible food I've had in a while. 06) Bowling, for fun and minimal exercise, hehe. 07) Christmas piano sheet music, for tickling my brain. On the last one, I really need to work on my Christmas spirit. I HAVE NONE!!! I need help, so I'm turning to music and hoping it'll help me get in the mood. Sadly, not quite yet, but the pieces I was plunking through helped a little bit. Was bummed that nobody would sing with it, I had to sing myself and mess up. Meh, whatever. Tonight was filled with much food and fun yet also quite a load of annoyances. Let us all forgive our transgressors, yes? I'm reasoning the best I can to understand these people, and while I can, it doesn't stop me from feeling irritated. ::sighs:: I need to work on my emotions, as I've always known, but this might prove easier. Concrete and not-as-personal situations are much easier to analyze and hence control my thoughts and feelings, obviously. We'll work on this together, and I pray that I and the other people involved will be granted patience, tolerance, and understanding. The light rain washed away some of the grime from the sky, and when I arrived home at 1:15am, the stars and moon were shining brightly. It's the first time the moon, in all its glory, did not sway me like it should. Orion was there to greet me, clear in view, and I am happy. Shiny NeoRomance I mean Orion. 8D Last night, we read through Matthew 4 but did not get through 5, but in one verse, I was rather confuzzled. When speaking of not loving your brother, there were three examples in particular in which each would lead to a certain danger. The second one, something about calling your brother "Raca" confused me. My uncle said it meant to say something in contempt, but then it was too similar to the third, which is calling your brother "Thou fool" ... So. What is it? Why does saying "Raca" lead one to be in danger of council? Why council? Need to research on this further. When my mother isn't banging at my door and harassing me to sleep.In lines of forgiveness, forgive me for hopscotching my points, but there is still something about the lack of maturity at a certain age level that irritates the heck out of me. I understand that not everyone was brought up to have a respectful and mindful mentality, but is it too much to expect people to be mature? Seriously, am I asking too much of this world? When one is a child, it is natural and RIGHT for one to be selfish and prioritize their own needs, thoughts, and feelings. However, as one grows older, they ought to learn, either by influence of their surroundings or within oneself, the process of mental and emotional maturation kicks in along with physiological maturity. Okay, so according to all that mumble jumble that I learned from psychology, some people can be stunted and mature slower, but isn't it also human nature to want to do good, so it should naturally start to divert inside out of oneself? I'm being convoluted, so to clarify, maturity means being able to consider OTHERS in accordance to considering one's own SELF in daily activities, whether actively or passively. People readily dismiss excitement and over enthusiasm as immaturity, but does anyone ever think that those are simply behaviours that result from immaturity but does not necessarily equate to immaturity itself? Behavioural psychology is very gray for this reason, because while behaviour stems from a particular source, it does not always indicate that one single source but rather a multitude of possible sources. Must we all be so simple minded and quick to judge? I find myself guilty of such deductions frequently, so I must continue to seek answers, as I am quick to anger with immature behaviour. So yes, perhaps I am asking too much for people to be courteous, respectful, humble, and mindful of others. Hmmm. Maybe it's too late to think logically, but this is immensely frustrating!!! Holes, holes, holes. I need patches. Patches for my mind, patches for my heart, patches for my soul. It's freezing tonight. I ought to wear more clothes. 8D Today’s Happy Point: Rest. Rest, to celebrate God's creation, be closer to God, and commune with fellow man. Rest, that I got during my uncle's sermon. (Oops.)
Romaji lyrics to my favourite Naochan song. Because. "stay"
Artist: Takahashi Naozumi (高橋直純)
kaze ga fuiteiru itsumo no basho de
kimi wo matteru sora miage nagara
irodzuku kumo ni kimi wo kasanete omou
tooku ni mieru "gomen" no shikunaru
itsumo sou da yo sewomuke aruku boku
oikake waratteru kimi no
massugu nobitekuru hitomi no saki ni
chiiisana akari tomoshi tokihanatsu...
won't you be my love kono mama
ashita he to aruitekou
won't you be my love eien
waratte zutto. motto.
hora...
kao agete... daijoubu... shinjiteiru
mune ni nagareru MELODY guchizusa nde
tsutaetai nda kimi shikai naito...
mujaki ni warau koto wasurezuni ite
ichiban no takara mono dakara
toki ni wa namida ga hoho wo tsutau yoru mo
shizuka ni sotto kimi wo hikiyose... dakishime you
because I love you... stay
won't you be my love kono mama
boku ni mirai azukete
won't you be my love eien
mamotte zutto. zutto.
zutto...
itsumademo... koko ni iru
because I love you... stay ここにいる…？ 。＿。
Listening to: "逐格重播" - Sharon Chan Oh am I cranky tonight or what. I finished up the eBay duties for work today, edited all the pictures, and yet, I don't feel accomplished at all. Maybe for the fact that I was tired and cranky all day already. In times like this, it is really important that I look for what I'm thankful for to force myself to look on the bright side of things when I'm feeling reluctant to care. Yosh, here goes... Thursday Thankful Three01) Parents out at dinner, allowing me time to play a little piano outside. 02) Being employed. 03) Important people in my life. I thought back about last night's dinner with Nozomi again. February 2010 is what she's aiming for. I'm so happy for her, and yet I can't help but feel a little sad. My girl is all grown up and getting married, wearing a diamond engagement ring and looking more and more beautiful each time I see her. And I feel left behind. Maybe it's time I stop looking to make others happy and try to make myself happy too. Yosh, project happiness, that's my next thing to work on! From now on, I'll think of something that makes me happy and try to do something about it. A plan for action, not just silent contemplation! YOSH! Let's do this, people! Today's Happy Point: 関智一Why? Because Seki is one of the magnificent wonders of the universe! I thank God everyday for his existence! ^D^ I'm not crazy, nope. Oh yeah, almost forgot, I'm going to buy his new CD!!! Maybe not this very instant, but very soon. ♥
._. Can I help feeling this way? I work so hard to suppress my feelings, to control them, and then this happens to me. Why me? I feel happy, feeling this way, and yet distressed at the situation in which it occurred. Internal conflict, as usual. Over Thanksgiving weekend, the Wesley church's morning sermon talked about this, how we are thrust into these situations and have to deal with it. God gives us so many things to be thankful for, but our hindrances stop us from rejoicing over what we have. Instead of being upset, we should praise God for giving us the opportunity to grow and the chance to show our worth by overcoming these obstacles, right? Then why do I feel so upset right now? I don't envy other people for what they have, but I do feel like I'm lacking something essential... Blargh. Enough muttering. If anything, adversity will prove if what I feel is true, if God really wants this for me, or if I'm just feeling vulnerable. Last night, I had nanchatte tonkotsu ramen at Foo Foo Tei, and it was SO GOOD!!! Gyah! Tonkotsu so fatty, but yummy! So yummy! ::swoons:: The broth was soooo good, they added some other cream to make it richer than tonkotsu broth is already, and... oh my. I was happy last night, even though it cost me quite a bit as I paid for a portion of Cynthia's too. But man, I'm definitely going back there. X3 We didn't get around to making desserts, but we talked and watched plenty of stuff instead heehee. Fun times. I'm bringing a NeoRomance Live DVD next time, muwahaha... Last time I read Inferno, the canto detailing the schismatics was rather repulsive. Being able to stomach quite a bit of morbidity and violence, I was surprised at how evoking that canto was. I wanted to puke, and when I took a nap after it, I had a hellish nightmare of the similar variety. NO FUN!! KOWAI YO!! Must continue, however, I wonder what Lucifer is like in Dante's hell. @_@ May curiosity not kill this cat... Speaking of lunch, time for me to take my nap now...
Listening: "FATE ~Mafuyu no Taiyou~" - Itou Kentarou, Taniyama Kishou I.... GAH!!! I had a very stressful night, filled with both good things and EXTREMELY stressful things. I don't think there was anything bad, just... stressed out. My nerves were shot all night and boy was I tense. Hours later, I'm still tense. GAH STUPID FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE SYSTEM! ::sighs:: Meanwhile, I unwind with some LxR. Hehe. Itouken sounds not Tsuchiura'y at all, but I'm thoroughly enjoying this duet. DUET. SOMEONE SING A DUET WITH ME PRETTY PLEASE?? Okay so, first things first, MUSIC. MUSIC IS LIFE, MUSIC IS LOVE, MUSIC IS HAPPINESS, MUSIC IS ADVENTURE! I loooooove music! The featured pianist tonight was amazing in two pieces in particular, and two pieces I did not expect to be gushing so much over. His rendition of Chopin's "Heroic Polonaise" failed to impress me, and his "Erlkonig," by Liszt and Schubert, was good but only just that. BUT. GAH. Debussy. DEBUSSY. His fingers were like petals brushing on the surface of a tranquil lake. I WAS IN LOVE. LOOOOOVE. He played it SO beautifully and totally reflected the title, "Reflections in the Water." *___* I was quite the fan of "Dream Rag No.2" by William Albright although I initially did not expect to care for it at all. It was whimsical, cute, romantic, and even sexy. Rawr. I enjoyed it very much, was glad I was standing up for that one or I would've slid off my seat in all weirdness. ::laughs:: The "Three Dances" piece, with its three movements accordingly, was interesting, but only the first dance was anywhere near interesting, although the second dance did start off beautifully, the dance got somehow convoluted and meaningless. And. While his technique for "Fantasia Baetica" by Manuel de Falla was awesome, I was just not interested no matter how hard I tried. The full circle I was picking out could've been developed better, with better story telling. But. It failed. It failed to be fantastic in any sort, although it was an impressive piece to add to the repertoire. Oh well. I think I was most bummed out by the Chopin starter piece. He could've done so much better than that, so what happened? Oh my beautiful Chopin, I want more of you. Come back... come back to me. The lady who played the koto wow'ed my socks off. My nerves were shot throughout the first piece she played, unfortunately, so I was sitting outside and watching the monitor, but the second time around, I was swept away. I tried to imagine Tomomasa playing to me. The choirs were good, and I don't know why "The Prayer" makes me teary. I'll have to go look up the lyrics. Why? >_> Anyway. Joshua is SUCH an amazing accompanist!! I ooze at the skill he has to evoke feelings and his own style while not overshadowing the choir's performance. AWESOME. That is pure AWESOMENESS. Gah. Accompanists so do not get their due enough. APPLAUD FOR JOSHUA, APPLAUD!!!! What's with me and pianists? Hello? I don't really care for Tsuchiura, hello? どうして? Oh I sure had a large dosage of pianists tonight, very very very VERY happy. I think I'm bordering on greedy, kekeke. Can anyone blame me? Since Tsuchiura doesn't do it for me, playing Corda won't help, so I must get it elsewhere. Corda is only good for trumpet and flute, and the fountain of love that springs from those two is too much for words! If Uncle Zhu Jing played too, man, I think I would be floating by now. Our Les Miserables songs were okay. I was really bummed out when I found out Jonathan and I weren't being picked up by the microphone. My fault. Very disappointed in myself. Overall, however, we were very good as a group. Much better than ANY of our practice sessions, haha! I was so amazed at everybody, so proud of everyone, and and and. OH I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! I LOOOOOOVE YOU ALL!!!! Now if only I didn't have to run off to change for my uncle's trio as accompanist. People said I did well but I was too nervous to notice anything. That and my skirt was riding low in the back. I hope nobody saw that. ARGH yuck! Looking back, I should have prayed for my nervousness. I forgot I get stage fright, and boy did I pay for it. I was clutching Gabriel's rubberband rifle like crazy before going out and ended up arm wrestling Steven to relieve tension. Thank you, Steven, for letting me do that, and thank you for being a gentleman about it. Arm wrestling did wonders for my nerves, or I think I would have been cracking before I ever make it onstage. And thank you, Gabriel, for being cheerful and a shoulder to freak out on LOL. Thank you to all of you for putting up with my near nervous breakdown. Thank you thank you THANK YOU ALL. ♥ Now that our winter concert is over and done with, why don't we all shout PRAISE GOD!? Ready, okay... PRAISE GOD!!!! Thank God it's over and all went well! I want to watch something sweet and funny now to soothe my frazzled nerves. I'm too tired to write separate posts, so this is crossposted around.
I am so behind on my lists of thankful things, oh no! I'll be good and do one today. Thursday Thankful Three01) It's almost Friday!!! Soon it will be the weekend! 02) Orbit gum, for keeping me awake and being phantom food for my not quite full stomach. 03) Shopping with Sheridan two days ago, I has me a new purple shirt! ::gasp:: Colour in my closet, imagine that... Okay. Time to panic. I'm not playing all the songs for my uncle and the two other people right? Because I don't find playing piano in my Les Mis costume very appealing. Hopefully they'll stick to the recording for the first two songs, so I can change. O_O Life has gotten rather busy, it seems, and I very much enjoy it. I'm now actually doing what I applied for in this job, sales. Haha. Ebay sales. Some customers astound me with their inability to research before purchasing something, but hey, who am I to complain, I just sell the stuff. That would be a whopping total of five bikes, heh, not much at all. Oh well, a bike sold is a bike sold. I was rather unsettled by what one of my friends told me on Monday. She thinks I'm settling for a dull and dreary life, on something less than what I deserve, but why is she complaining? It's my life, is it not? I'm actually feeling quite content with my routine of weekday work and weekend church, why is she so displeased with the way I turned out? Because I actually enjoy staying in line and watching my spending appropriately? I sigh. Then there was the one huge little matter that she addressed that irked me this whole week thus far, to the point my mother said I was groaning and muttering loudly in my sleep. Ugh. Hopefully I said nothing incriminating. 8D And so the routine of my life continues as I descend further into Inferno... ::shudders:: Happy thoughts, think happy thoughts...
Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all!I had a most fabulous and food-filled weekend. Minus feeling bloated and exhausted from my 8-hour drive yesterday, I feel great! I have to thank the Hasegawas for putting up with me for so many days, I'm not the easiest house guest, but not quite as bad as Dobby. ::chortles:: Anyway, while I have tons to ramble about, now isn't the time, so I'll just leave with a picture. Tomomasa and Yorihisa! Unfortunately, my gauntlets went missing so I had to do without the jacket. Ironically, even when wielding a fan, still not quite feminine..  Under the cover of darkness, we aim for the dramatic effect. Or plain lols. Oh I lied, one more. 
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