Personal Reflections

Today seemed like a good day for contemplations, and so I did just that. Unfortunately, it took a toll on me. In thinking about the meaning life, one looks inward and outward simultaneously, trying to grasp the universe with one's limited mind. Obviously, it baffled me more than anything, but I did think about a few concepts. Freedom and liberty, on which this country's foundation is based, and the pursuit of happiness. Truth and beauty, glancing at each other while going hand in hand, and last but definitely not the least, love. Upon these ideals do we, even serial murderers, base their lives. There are certainly warped interpretations of these, but I think we all strive to attain and mold them into our lives, someway somehow.

Because of the way I think, I try to make sense of these concepts in my own life through a microscope. After years and years of formulating my standards, principles, and character, I am human afterall and continue to change with time and circumstances. How would I take each of these and apply it to my daily life? In gaining independence comes freedom and liberty, yet so many neglect the responsibility that comes with it. Freedom comes at a price, as does all things in life, and nobody is exempt from it. Even a fool has to realize that at some point. Pursuing happiness has always been a romantic ideal throughout history, and while we all seek it, is there ever a definite "happiness" that is true for everyone? Are smiling and laughing symptoms of happiness, or are those just our perceptions of what happiness should look like? Perhaps it is overly negative of me to think that those are mere facades. I could as easily don a smile and laugh even when I'm severely unhappy. It would be silly of me to try to cover this topic in one short post, but I will conclude that pursuing happiness is not futile yet it will be forever sought out until the day one ceases to live, which brings me to the next concepts. Is it not true that someday we will inevitably die and, perhaps, even be forgotten? Yet, I say beauty walks hand in hand with truth, because we are living the truth of life, and it is the brevity of life and what one makes of it that is the utmost expression of true beauty. And what makes life beautiful? Love. As a movie once said, "Love is like oxygen," and nothing can live without it. Nothing can exist without love, it is the very essence of life, of everything under the skies, and even these abstract ideals. Ah, I cannot imagine a world without love, "For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, so that we shall not perish but have everlasting life." How can I possibly apply all that into my own miniscule life, when I am less than a grain of sand? To think that somebody out there would love and care for someone so insignificant as I, it gives hope and vision into the grandeur of these ideals. I am prone to circular logic when it comes to the dark side of life, so why not delve into the light? To discover that life is worth living because these ideals are not beyond our grasp, is that not wonderful?

Then so, why can I not rise above myself and be filled with light instead of this miserable state I'm in? Why indeed.

In so, I'm resigning myself to a social hiatus until I can clear my mind. I have a lot of personal decisions I need to make, which is no excuse, so I apologize ahead of time for withdrawing further into my sanctuary. I've been acting like a fool lately, for which I must ask for forgiveness from those I dare not ask directly. My behaviour is inexcusable, and I will try my best to be a better person.