Weirdness

Listening to: "Dice" - Takahashi Naozumi

Plug: Associated Press: Honda connects brain thoughts with robotics

Oh that is awesome, if not a little disturbing. But hey, WAY COOL! I don't want to wear something that big to just to open my garage door though, remotes serve their purpose. However, if I can remote control my garage from work by plopping on that helmet, then that's another story. ::cackles::

Weirdness aside, today is a relatively bright day considering I had massive blood loss this morning. Nosebleeds are no fun, they leave me feeling weak and drained. It might be nice to be a vampire sometimes, so I can directly replenish my blood supply. Okay, really ending the weird talk now.

Tuesday Thankful Three
1. Chewing gum, yum!
2. This past weekend for the break from everything, good and bad.
3. God, for being in control when I cannot do everything myself.

Reverend Keith's sermon made me think about an extremely touchy subject for me - Control (with a capital C!). Being a J (Judging/Rational) versus a P (Perceiving/Irrational) behaviour person, I'm somewhat of a control maniac. In his sermon, he discussed knowing when to let go and let God take control. Ah, still don't know how to do it, can only pray about it.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference."
-- Saint Francis of Assisi

Weekend Summary

Listening to: "Sweet Secret" - Kishio Daisuke

This weekend was a blast, with the only downside being that I got sick. Still came to work though, heh, can't afford not to be here. Flight to and fro San Jose is so short, totally unlike my usual flights that last a few full length movie's worth. Weird. Never knew how easy domestic flights are. Saa and Kimi fed me lots of steak and music over the weekend, so happy! Playing Rock Band was fun to watch, but I myself am the ultimate phail LOL. The Corda sheet music box makes us all very happy people. *_* I revisited a bunch of songs I haven't played in ages and then some. The three tenors on DVD was awesome, makes me sad that I missed their live performance last weekend! Some of the songs were really touching, ended up crying a bit. "Leaving on a Jet Plane" is so beautiful and bittersweet. ::sniffles:: The original compositions were all so good, we just don't find much music like that these days. Even if I'm not particularly a fan of the guitar, these guys are made of pure awesomesauce. We went to Taco Bell for lunch then karaoke afterwards, woohoo FUN! We wanted to go to their parents' symphonic concert afterwards, but I was so dead tired and didn't want to pass out during the performance that I opted for staying home. I have no idea what happened after that too, brain shut off.... We watched some SNL? Anyway, we had church on Sunday and there was this really yummy sesame cookie! *_* Yummy Mexican food for lunch, bummed around chatting and recounting stories with Saa, then off to airport.

Well, that has got to be the worst synopsis I have ever typed up, but I'm rather drained from being sick. I think I'm going to buy some oatmeal after work.

Almost forgot to mention, it was my dear Daisaku's birthday on Saturday, and so we celebrated a little by playing my stash of Daisaku music. ::cackles:: STILL CELEBRATING!!!

♥♥♥ Happy Birthday to Kishio Daisuke!!! ♥♥♥

Because my giant hamster deserves some love too. Just don't listen to his Hyakka Seiran track. ♥

Weekend Booked!

I'm booked! Thanks to Kimi for helping me out with my flight, ::SQUISHGLOMPLUFFLE:: I'm flying to San Jose tomorrow evening! Leaving work early at 3pm and no lunch, woes, but they'll feed me when I get there! I can't wait to see everybody again, YAY!! So exciting, albeit the last minute planning which usually would bring hectic anxiety to my plate. This is my first non-international flight, believe it or not, and I'm a little wary about what to do and what documentation I need to bring. In other news, I received my new driver's license in the mail yesterday. I'm smiling weird, again, but hey, better than the old one.

Okay. How sad is this, we Google-map our competitors' locations so we can look at their warehouses, even though the pictures are outdated. Yup, that's where I work.

Everything in Moderation

Listening to: "Sweet Secret" - Kishio Daisuke

Everything in Moderation.

I totally did not follow that rule yesterday and am in certain distress today for it. I ate *way* too much!!! It was so yummy and yet so horrible at the same time! Sigh. I've been humbled. Everything I tried to eat today caused instataneous distress, woes! Lesson relearned.

This weekend, I want to be able to fly up to visit Saa and Kimi, but due to lack of preparation, I'm unsure if this will happen. Going to keep my fingers crossed...! The distance from everything around here will help me clear my mind. Hopefully.

After work, I think I'm going to shop for phones. Finally got it through to my mother that renewing the contract and getting a new phone isn't going to charge her any more money (since I'll be paying for the phone), so I can shop! After looking around previously, I thought the G1 was pretty good, but I'm with AT&T. ::grumbles:: I'm not about to get the iPhone if it forces me to get the data plan, which my mother will definitely not agree to since that's an extra $30 monthly, ouch. Will see, however, if it's worth it. Shopping's shopping, don't have to buy anything yet!

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. Dried blueberries.
2. Phone shopping trip after work.
3. Kimi ♥!!!

Coworker gave me directions to the Brea mall, now that I know how to get there, I have a new mall to peruse! Yes, I have no sense of direction. Fun times.

Owachatta~!

It's over! Long weekend over! It was fun while it lasted, a bit painful in the head, but fun nonetheless. The minor conflicts within the group and the bitter feelings all dissipated now that it's all over. Thank you to the Hwang's for putting up with us and feeding us all! *_* I learned an important lesson about living with people. I mean, living as in accepting people into your life and working together with them to accomplish a greater goal. I've worked alone thus far, and boy is the road difficult and lonely. Now, there are people all around. No relationship is without arguments and conflicts, life is not a crystal apple (ala Love Generation), but it is a windy nature path. It's not easy to embrace others into your life, but it's even harder to walk that road alone, I've learned. I thank God everyday that I have friends and for reuniting with my family. Life is brimming with the potential for happiness, all we need to do it look. Accept it, it's there already. Shut your eyes and open your mind. There's a wonderful sound to be heard on every corner.

In other news, Daisaku's Hyakka Seiran track is HORRENDOUS. Love you but, good GRACIOUS! Are you TRYING to kill us?

Discord = Headache

Listening to: "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" - Tom Lehrer

Can someone shoot me in the head now? Ensemble practice makes me want to slam my head inside the piano so at least my brains will splatter somewhere I like. Okay no, that's gross. Augh, headache. Tonight's location had too much reverb, no good when there's a mass of MESS. DISCORD!!! Help. ::cries:: I'm convinced that discordant noise lowers my mood considerably, as I really should be in a decent state tonight. But no. I drove home alone listening to my music, trying to repair my brain, but I feel like crying. No good at all.

One last rehearsal tomorrow, then the actual recording. Then, perhaps, no more of this depressant. I love music, I love instruments, I love duets, triplets, quartets, and maybe even quintets, but any more than that? SHOOT ME.

Damn I'm emo. :P

Happy Birthday, Bach!

Listening to: "Oh My Love" - Ishikawa Hideo

Today, we celebrate another awesome musician's birthday.

Happy Birthday to Johann Sebastian Bach!

Born in 1685 and lived until the age of 65, Bach is too amazing for my words. A composer, a devout Christian, a virtuoso, a father, and a teacher. I'm no expert on this man, but hey HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! We're still loving your music over 250 years later! The Baroque style just wouldn't be the same without you. X3

Tonight is the first of our last practice ensemble rehearsals. I am *so* beat, my head aches, my shoulders ache, my brain's dead. ("Byakudan Yuugi" is on, you can't blame me for being dead when Tomomasa is crooning at me.) I think I'm getting nervous again.

Work today was similarly tiring. This week has certainly been one of the busiest I've had thus far. Le sigh! (Gaaah Gabriel, do you know how long it took to get that OUT of my vocabulary???) Long week, long weekend to come. Hope we all survive this weekend, and I hope I can survive the coming week.....

So why am I awake? Oh, right, my hair is dripping wet. Kimi is home, and their Three Tenors are singing this Sunday too. I want to be there too, but wah, we're recording too! Save me a DVD, I'll buy one ne!! ^____^

Aspire or iTouch?

Listening to: "Omae to iu Hidamari" - Seki Tomokazu

Plug: ACER Netbook Aspire One (Blue) 8.9" Intel Atom N270 1GB RAM 120GB Hard Drive Webcam 802.11G Wireless 2.19lbs Windows XP HOME

I want that. Or the 16gb iTouch for the same price. Want, but do not need. I just thought it would be nice to make one big purchase before the tax rates go up to 9.25%. I even went to Fry's yesterday to try to convince myself to buy something, but what did I do? I walked out with $0.99 index cards. Yup. I'm a massive failure at shopping. I also saw a Lenovo laptop, very similar, for approximately $50 more. VERY CUTE! No SD card slot.

Orders are trickling in slowly...

I suspect that by the end of this weekend, I will be over and done with Christmas songs for at least a month. Three days in a row will our TOFU ensemble have to play that Christmas medley. Oh and, Kimi, would you kill me if I uploaded our "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel" to YouTube? 8D Because I upped it already but nobody knows about it. I look so dreadfully bored or something, but Kimi SQUISHY♥!! Flautists = ♥!!! X3

"Hatsukoi yo Natsu Arashi ni nare" is love. When will my OTP perform this live? They should be married, really! Naokun, you promised me... even though it was only in my dream!!! ::SHOT:: I should designate a song everyday as the LOVE SONG OF THE DAY or something. ::laughs::

Thursday Thankful Three
1. "PRECIOUS" is precious.
2. Miyatacchi♥Naokun forever.
3. "Pavane pour une infante défunte" flute solo.

Someday, I will have to learn the pavane entirely, not just the accompaniment. Dance too! Alas, hard! I can't sight read the damn thing! Wikipedia has the piece on piano at the bottom, and listening to it makes me melty. Oh, I wish Tsuchiura would play it in Corda too so I could hear Okada Masaru play it *_*! A Liszt pianist performing Ravel, ah, delicious!

Music and Cosplay Rambles

Listening to: “雪降る街のCeremony” - Hirakawa Daisuke

Plug: Darwin’s Pianist Wife Influenced Theories: Discovery News
(Oops, I forgot to link it when I pasted over.)

Interesting article, read it. Ahh, gotta love music. I’m having an explosion of music love tonight, from Chopin to Naokun. ♥ Even OnoD was fun to watch. Unfortunately, no Granrodeo or 2Hearts for me, sad! I want to watch and listen to those awesome boys!!!

And this song expresses absolute Love. It is my impossible dream. Someday, one day, I hope the man I love will sing that to me. Or, hey, maybe I’ll sing it to the other person and just hope they’ll marry me. ああ、夢の中で… Hiradai, keep smiling, always! ♥

Cosplay rambling time! Before I start yammering at wanting a Bernard for myself, I best get my own Bernard costume compiled first. However, Yunoki is my priority!! Too bad I can’t cosplay Tsuchiura, or…? I’m not tall enough, but am I buff enough for him? XD Not passionate enough at my playing either! I want a passionate, manly Tsuchiura mmm, now *that* I’d dig. ::laughs:: Yunoki into Tsuchiura, that’s new. Since I can’t have my OTP for cosplay, I’ll settle for weirdness? XD HOW ABOUT SHIMIZU??? Then we could sing “Sotto Voce” and make everyone’s ears bleed put everyone to sleep! Alas, we don’t have a Shimizu… That and my Shimizu would make a better Yunoki, not that he would ever consent.

Wednesday Thankful Three
1. Music = ♥
2. Naokun = squishy adorable ♥
3. Chipotle = stomach ♥

I think I’m getting sick…

Guess whose birthday is on Saturday? ^_~

Black&White = Itouken&Mogi

Listening to: "Pale Repetition" - Morita Masakazu

Plug: 徒然なるイトケンの日々 - 祭りの後

Oh my goodness, ITOUKEN AND MOGI, YOU GUYS!! XDDDD Ohhhhh you two are TOO CUTE IN MATCHING black and white outfits??? They're being Yunoki combi? LOL YUNOKI COMBI. Oh. Kimi. Did they sing "W-BREEZE" or "W-BLIZZARD" again? X3 Gosh, I'm spazzing out at work. I don't think adding Itouken's blog to my rss feed was a good thing because I'm so flippy. Durfffff!

And a Mogi song is playing. How typical of him to stalk my brainwaves. XP Better than a certain Arashi I know as of now, harumph!

PRECIOUS

Listening to: "PRECIOUS" - Morita Masakazu

OMG MOGI LOVES ME HE SUNG "PRECIOUS" OMG OMG OMG HE SUNG IT AS I REQUESTED OMG I'M BURSTING WITH INSANE SPARKLES AND OMG I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE DVD COMES OUT MOGI I I I AHHHHHHHH THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

AND OF COURSE THANK YOU JANEE FOR PASSING MY MESSAGE TO HIM!!!!!

TGIF

Shopping yesterday ended rather interestingly. I bought dark green hair dye because it was 50% off. Mmm, Tsuchiura green, I mean, what? ^_^ After process of elimination, I'm pretty sure my stomachache was caused by meat not cooked properly from lunch, and I was tossing and turning all night until 7am. What's worse is that I can't eat anything solid today. My body seems to be telling me I have food poisoning, as I'm craving oatmeal when I would normally avoid it. I hope my uncle has oatmeal in their house!! Argh. Okay, enough about my digestive system.

Today is a slow day, but that's okay because it's FRIDAY!

Friday Thankful Three
1. See's Candy chocolate truffles.
2. Tea now, and more tea later at bible study!
3. Nails. (See below.)



Cynthia did my nails yesterday. I'm aware that my nails are short and I have funny hands, but YAY SHINY!

Talk about easily distracted.

Cemetery Dance Coming Soon!

Cemetery Dance will be released on the 12th of May, 2009! That's exactly two months away! I'm so excited! Until then, I have Mount Dragon and The Ice Limit to hold me off, if I find the time to read, that is. ::facepalm:: Still, the wait will be over soon. More Aloysius Pendergast, and maybe some Diogenes too, for me! Time to start stalking the library reserve list...

Ironically, I feel like shopping today. For what and why, I haven't a clue. In news of Seki's Cosmo-X production, I'm massively estatic, to put it bluntly. I'm also hopeful that the Corda music book might surface, ahaha, but until then, we can't talk too much about it Kimi or we'll both explode.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I've never seen it as a special day, for better or for worse, but nevertheless, most people call it "Black Friday" and associate it with bad luck. Tomorrow is the 2nd of three 13ths landing on a Friday this year. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm looking forward to it! TGIF as always!

Due to Ryan's incessant babble about horoscopes and astrology lately, I've been revisiting it too. I think it's interesting how the alignment of the stars affects each individual's inclinations, however, I also believe in free will. Believing in those theories 100% is just as good as dooming oneself to plunging towards an uncontrollable, one-way course to a predetermined death. Fate, unmei. How much of destiny do you believe in, and how much do you think you can control your own fate? Always tread carefully on these dangerous grounds, my friends.

Family Matters

Listening to: "LOVE" - Tsujitani Kouji

I feel a bit invigorated from Sabbath. I can breathe, whew. My plan totally fell through, I mean, what exactly is the point of all that mental preparation when my efforts were nullified? Am I Yunoki singing "Sweet Secret?" Kimi ga iru????

While I'm irritated at my mother's yelling about my curfew yet again (because her reasoning is so faulty, I mean, so what if there's more unemployed people? Are unemployed people going to chase moving cars at night?), I am delighted to hear her say that she heard from my uncle that he wants me out of his house at 11pm. REALLY NOW? She hasn't been talking to her sister lately I know, so the only way she would know is... SHE talked to HIM?? REALLY??? Even if that means Alvin and I both get chewed out, THEY ACTUALLY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? Give me a moment to shout please, PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!! If I keep testing the waters with my mother and unfortunately involving my uncle in the matter, does that mean they'll talk more? XD It's working, it's working! I'm not employing the healthiest method, obviously, but hey, it's working!

Honestly, I shouldn't be so happy. I'm causing quite a deal of stress for them, aren't I? ::beams:: Still, I feel accomplished. It's been way too many years, this cold war needs to end. Please keep praying with me.

Tsujitani-san's english is really funny in this song. Hora hora, here's what he sung:

I was born to love you
My love's forever
I will keep giving true love

That's not what I heard! XD

Personal Reflections

Today seemed like a good day for contemplations, and so I did just that. Unfortunately, it took a toll on me. In thinking about the meaning life, one looks inward and outward simultaneously, trying to grasp the universe with one's limited mind. Obviously, it baffled me more than anything, but I did think about a few concepts. Freedom and liberty, on which this country's foundation is based, and the pursuit of happiness. Truth and beauty, glancing at each other while going hand in hand, and last but definitely not the least, love. Upon these ideals do we, even serial murderers, base their lives. There are certainly warped interpretations of these, but I think we all strive to attain and mold them into our lives, someway somehow.

Because of the way I think, I try to make sense of these concepts in my own life through a microscope. After years and years of formulating my standards, principles, and character, I am human afterall and continue to change with time and circumstances. How would I take each of these and apply it to my daily life? In gaining independence comes freedom and liberty, yet so many neglect the responsibility that comes with it. Freedom comes at a price, as does all things in life, and nobody is exempt from it. Even a fool has to realize that at some point. Pursuing happiness has always been a romantic ideal throughout history, and while we all seek it, is there ever a definite "happiness" that is true for everyone? Are smiling and laughing symptoms of happiness, or are those just our perceptions of what happiness should look like? Perhaps it is overly negative of me to think that those are mere facades. I could as easily don a smile and laugh even when I'm severely unhappy. It would be silly of me to try to cover this topic in one short post, but I will conclude that pursuing happiness is not futile yet it will be forever sought out until the day one ceases to live, which brings me to the next concepts. Is it not true that someday we will inevitably die and, perhaps, even be forgotten? Yet, I say beauty walks hand in hand with truth, because we are living the truth of life, and it is the brevity of life and what one makes of it that is the utmost expression of true beauty. And what makes life beautiful? Love. As a movie once said, "Love is like oxygen," and nothing can live without it. Nothing can exist without love, it is the very essence of life, of everything under the skies, and even these abstract ideals. Ah, I cannot imagine a world without love, "For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, so that we shall not perish but have everlasting life." How can I possibly apply all that into my own miniscule life, when I am less than a grain of sand? To think that somebody out there would love and care for someone so insignificant as I, it gives hope and vision into the grandeur of these ideals. I am prone to circular logic when it comes to the dark side of life, so why not delve into the light? To discover that life is worth living because these ideals are not beyond our grasp, is that not wonderful?

Then so, why can I not rise above myself and be filled with light instead of this miserable state I'm in? Why indeed.

In so, I'm resigning myself to a social hiatus until I can clear my mind. I have a lot of personal decisions I need to make, which is no excuse, so I apologize ahead of time for withdrawing further into my sanctuary. I've been acting like a fool lately, for which I must ask for forgiveness from those I dare not ask directly. My behaviour is inexcusable, and I will try my best to be a better person.

More Birthdays!

Okay, because I didn't post on Sunday, and since I have one more birthday to append today...

On March 1st, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to~~~
» Frederic Chopin
» Kanazawa Hiroto

*___* To my beloved Chopin and to my onesdoIreally beloved sensei, HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!! Kimi and I celebrated in small but meaningful ways, from a few of us playing Chopin pieces at church and afterwards on Saturday, to "Voice of My Soul" rendition of the "Revolutionary Etude," and to discussion! And of course, for my our dearly beloved Kanayan sensei, songs, loads of Ishikawa goodness, and good thoughts. Mmm, fizzout!

Then today, KUSC alerted me to one more birthday I missed...

Happy Birthday to Antonio Vivaldi!

"Four Seasons," anybody? ::laughs:: This would be his 331st year, wow. Here's to an awesome composer and violinist and priest ala Bonnie, may our day be filled with strings, strings, and more strings! Sheep guts! Mmm... I digress.

Taisetsuna mono

Listening to: "An Ocean of Memories" - Titanic

I still smell like shrimp after showering. Thanks, Voldemort you-know-who.

Looking back, as bitter as I was about the separation, it taught me long suffering and perseverance. Now, I can full reap the joys of recovering that which was lost. Not to be weird or anything, but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! So I'll keep my emotional account out of his reach, but I still want to share how much this means to me somehow. We both understand it without spoken words as, oddly enough, with so many years apart, we are alike in so many ways. Thank God for this interesting coincidence? Thicker than water, indeed. Omae wa ore no taisetsuna mono!!! No, not meant to be weird at all.

So much for a coherent entry. Smelling like shrimp is distracting me like crazy.

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO~~~
- Yesterday: Mommy Hasegawa
- Today: Kimi ♥♥♥
- Today: Terence
- Today: Kris

Happy birthday to you March babies!! ^0^

21 Questions Meme

I'm stealing memes again, ahoy!

21 Questions

1. My ex... is nonexistant.

2. Maybe I should... stop micromanaging my life.

3. I love... God.

4. People would say that I'm... quite fanatical.

5. I don't understand... how anyone would prefer not to think. ::CRINGE::

6. When I wake up in the morning... I try to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep.

7. I lost... my sanity once at the end of 6th grade.

8. Life is full of... messages from God.

9. My past is... painful.

10. I get annoyed when... I fall short of my expectations.

11. Parties are... rare.

12. I wish... I could make someone truly happy.

13. Dogs... are love.

14. Cats... remind me of Kanayan.

15. Tomorrow... isn't Friday, woes!

16. I have low tolerance for... inappropriate immaturity.

17. If I had a million dollars... I would spend a lot of time allocating it properly.

18. I'm totally terrified... of going insane.

19. My spouse... is currently a fictional half-Saiyan. ♥

20. My life... has a special happy sparkle in it.

21. My motto... is to know thyself inside out.

That was a nice interlude in my work day.

Happiness Guidelines

In an email from Irene, here is a wonderful list for happiness.



What a great list of daily reminders.

Lack of entries!

The middle of the week is usually the slowest at work. While Fridays are busy, I'm thinking about taking the day off. Actually, I don't really want to, me with my money worries, but it's Cynthia's birthday so I think I'll grant her wish and spend time with her instead. I don't forsee myself taking any more days off unless absolutely necessary, so I think I can afford one day off. Right? I have to convince myself somehow. ::cringes::

I saw a cute t-shirt online a few days ago. "I'll be Bach," it says, with a picture of Bach half normal and half terminator. ::laughs:: Oh the dorkiness, oh our governor! 8D

There's been a decline in blog entries lately, mostly due to the fact that I'm more or less busy at work now and have things to do after work. I miss ranting and raving! (I'm sure nobody misses reading it though.)

End pointless post. :P

Horrible Customers

Listening to: "Yuuniji no Awaki Himegoto" - Hoshi Souichirou

I've been having a rather good day until this sour taste invaded my mouth. Let's start on a positive note, shall we? I had a hard time waking up this morning, but I was peachy fine when I got to work. There was a lot to do this morning, which always makes me happy. Also, I was looking forward to lunch. Mmm, Chipotle! The Choo's gave me a Chipotle giftcard this weekend and I was more than excited to have a real lunch today!! So off I went to get a burrito bowl, and when the register rang up the balance after my meal, my jaw dropped. I'm. Utterly. Floored. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I cannot thank you guys enough, this will feed me for a month or more, THANK YOU!!!!! Wah, I'm speechless.

Now for the bad part. Despite being rather chipper, one phone call disrupted it all. An eBay customer who placed a small order made a big fuss about us not shipping to PO boxes. Honestly, it's not even our policy, it's FedEx's. Yet, this guy was screaming and cursing at me while I was trying to listen and help him. In the end, he wanted his money back, which is fine, but he kept screaming. I'm not at fault nor should I care, but I got so incredibly angry. Even though I kept telling myself to let him rave and just proceed with cancelling his order as per his request, my blood started boiling. My stomach hurts really badly now. My body reacts quicker than I can tell myself to ignore it, and now I feel a bit like curling over and dying. Urgh.

Hirakawa Danna

Listening to: "The Power of Love" - Il Divo

Ufufufu, Hiradai's Danna is WAY TOO CUTE!! His proposal? Not manly at all, ironically Ishida's was more manly. ::dodges tomatoes from Kimi:: (Or not ironic, depends on who you're talking to hehe.) But I love Hiradai's so much! His words made me mooshy, and when he started crying, I wanted to cry too because he wouldn't stop. Nakanaide! Sigh, am I hopeless or what.

For the past few days, I've been thinking really hard about the first number of the transformation list. Looking back to things I discussed with people, I'm still keeping up these impossible standards, darn! Must learn to let people blunder and leave them be! Yet, today I thought, should this apply to my workplace as well? I shouldn't tolerate mistakes at work, whether with myself or someone else, or at least be trying to fix them! That's a tough one for me, learning when to back off and when to push my limits at work. Today, my orders rolled in rather nicely, and I found myself obsessively ordering and checking over my work multiple times and in different ways. Great, as if I'm not finicky enough, I'm picking up on my boss' paranoid habits too. Where should the balance be, whether it is work or personal matters, in regards to having a set of high yet manageable standards that don't stress me out?

I know I said I'd do one at a time, but I think I'm going to go crazy if I'm only thinking of one at a time. ::grimaces:: I like multi-tasking.

#2
I NOW RELEASE my fear of losing control and becoming irrational.

Believe it or not, I tried this one out very recently. The unknown is terribly frightening!!! Yes, I did this one subconsciously, but the fear of not being in control of my every action and not being in line with my normal behaviour patterns did not go away. When does fear becoming unmanageable? I still allowed myself to be impulsive, that counts for something, right? Yet, immediately after, I was reminded of why I absolutely do not allow myself to lose control. It's upsetting.

Okay, that was one big ball of negativity right there, shift gears! I had more nanchatte tonkotsu ramen tonight. HAPPY!!!! Allow me to be mindless for today's Thankful Three.

Monday Thankful Three
01. Nanchatte Tonkotsu Ramen.
02. Hiradai and Ishida-san's Danna Catalogue CD.
03. Il Divo.

Random, is suspicion a good or bad thing? I know it varies with the situation but... overall???

Enthusiasm rocks! (As does Il Divo!)

Listening to: "Haruka, Kimi no Moto he" - Miyata Kouki, Seki Tomokazu, Takahashi Naozumi

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
--Charles Kingsley

Yes yes YES!!! Enthusiasm is wonderful beans! I can't imagine life without it. Happiness Project, thanks!

In other news, Il Divo has taken me by storm, and I am absolutely KO'd by these awesome, awesome men. Gosh. I'm really tempted to buy all their CDs now. And I mean *really* tempted, as I spent a few hours watching the video clips on their official website and recording off them.

Plug: http://www.ildivo.com

So. Much. Love. Dropdead, awesome vocalists who just knock your socks off. I am *so* determined to see them in concert now. Will probably go see them in Las Vegas if possible, or going up to find Saa and Kimi for their San Jose performance. We'll see. *_*

Weekend summary

Listening to: “Ajisai no Yume de Aimashou” - Miyata Kouki

I took an old Angel Sanctuary character quiz, and while I had Michael at first and then Setsuna for second, this time it flipped. WHYYYY I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE SETCHAN!!! I’m not very Mikachan though. ::shrugs:: Oh I miss Angel Sanctuary much. So much love, Yuki-sensei makes me flail. XD

Yesterday, I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day with everybody at church. No special Valentine for myself (I got rejected! Why am I still happy?), but it’s okay, why have one Valentine when I can have EVERYBODY!!! ♥ To all the church youth and the adults too, I love you all so very much!! John’s sermon was mostly a recap of that Danish movie I love that we watched in MacKenzie’s english class. (OH HOW I MISS HER!) Mmmm good food memories. Everybody left for the most important part of the movie, and although Ms. MacKenzie had explained it to us, it was still better to watch it myself. Oh the food looked so good, Bonnie said she could see me drooling from outside the classroom. 8D

Anyway! We had this agape love feast for church, and boy did it feel like I was eating air. Don't get me wrong, it was good, but I need meat! Somebody managed to do the impossible, ahem, and Alvin gritted his teeth at me for it while congratulating him for convincing me to eat tofu. ::laughs:: I did some last minute accompaniment and got some time alone to pray in the sanctuary, for which I was very thankful. I found it easier to be lighthearted and chipper after that. Our youth orchestra practice was decent too, I was very happy to hear that we can at least come together. A bunch of us, youth and some adults, went to Uncle Enoch’s house afterwards to chill. Oh GOODNESS, it was then I discovered the LOVE that is Il Divo. IL DIVO BANZAI!! My goodness, my goodness!! Urs from Switzerland is my favourite pretty boy, but they ALL sound SO SO SO good. I was swooning in front of the TV, and my music-loving companions were as happy as me. XD Perhaps I’m a tad silly, but I’m with friends, if I can’t be silly during these times, when can I be so giddy? When touring the house upstairs, we ended up taking a lot of silly pictures on Jonathan’s new iBook, sweet photo booth application! My PS2 seems to be very malfunctional now, so we didn’t get to DDR, woes for Joseph and me! It’s okay, Uncle Enoch taught us a game of Rook. It was pretty fun, but not enough time playing to get better at it. After dropping off people, I had a short talk with my cousin. How happy I am, to reunite with loved ones! He remains an open ear to hear matters I can’t really discuss about outside of family, and boy does it ease my burden. ♥ 変じゃない、俺とあなた、でしょう？ (Why am I an 俺?)

Because I got home late yesterday, my mother yelled at me upon stepping into the house. She’s a basket case, screaming at me to not shower because it will wake my dad. If you’re so concerned with not waking him, how about not screaming loud enough that the neighbors might hear? So I showered when I woke up instead, then proceeded to fuzz out until going out to dinner. Crepes are good, but takoyaki is better! 章魚焼！ So much yums. Janee had taiyaki today, and wished to have mine where I wish to have taiyaki. ::sporfles:: Miles and two time zones away, we’re having 焼’s. Maybe another of our friends had yakitori today! Or tamagoyaki! Okay no more, my brain’s fried for the night. ^_^

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

Listening to: "A Whole New World" - Brad Kane, Lea Salonga

Happy St. Valentine's Day!!!

I wish everybody a fantastic Valentine's Day, filled with happiness, love, sparkles, and bubbles!! Fluffiness included. ♥ Be happy, whether for yourself or for others, for this is the day to celebrate love in the world. God is Love, with the capital L, and what a wonderful world it is!! "A Whole New World" indeed, that God renews for us daily, every hour, every minute, every second. May we learn to cherish every moment of our lives and strive to love others as God loves us. ♥

It has come to my attention that I've been slacking off on my Thankful Threes again, so here it is. I'll deal with my transformations later.

Sabbath & Valentine's Thankful Three
01. God is Love, and Love is with us all. Amen!
02. Happy couples everywhere, you make my Valentine's worthwhile.
03. Church friends, for so many reasons.

Church has become such a surprising but centered part of my life this past year or so, and I am happy for it. Honestly, just a few years back, I dreaded stepping onto church grounds again for fear of sadness and bitterness washing over me, I would have never imagined myself looking forward to going to church every Sabbath now.

#25
I NOW AFFIRM that life is good and unfolding in miraculous ways.

A miracle has happened to me, and I acknowledge it with enthusiasm. What a wonderful God we have, mending not only my mind but also my heart! I'm bursting with happiness to think of all the wonderful things that have happened to me since I came back to church. I cannot say that I'm on completely peachy terms with God, but I have made so much progress since my dark years. God has shown that He still cares through the people at church, and I cannot be prouder to say that I am a part of this church. Even if I'm not a member on paper, I belong to God and with these special people. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

My heart is free to love, and love I will! Even if I don't succeed, try and try again!

I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong, and so it never dies
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes
And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you
They'd know love will find a way...
-- "Love Will Find a Way" - Lion King II

First Layout for Blogspot

Yatta! The template for Blogspot is surprisingly easy to format, so voila, a simple layout. Hirakawa Daisuke in all his adorableness. Maybe I should convert this for my rambles too, except that I'm way too fond of Yunoki over there right now haha.

The pictures are a bit washed out, yes I did that on purpose, but it's nagging on my nerves. But. Impossible standards. Not holding myself to them, nope! I'll settle for this! ::exhales slowly::

Transformation #1, a trial

Listening to: "Oh My Love" - Ishikawa Hideo

#1
I NOW RELEASE holding myself and others to impossible standards.

How does one release holding everybody to impossible standards once those standards have been in place for a very long time? There is one person I probably should start with aside from myself, yet unfortunately, it clashes with my current plans. Not to make excuses, but this situation is a little, how shall I put it, delicate. If I stop holding up these impossible standards, I'll be accused of giving false hope. Oh right, the other transformations warn me about what I'm going to write next. I should not be giving out mixed signaling, no matter how much my nature leads me to be indirect.

I CAN'T HELP BUT RATIONALIZE MYSELF!!! It's okay, that one's for another day. /interlude

In short, I think this first transformation is going to take me at least a week or two to be internalized. I wonder if I should move onto an easier one first.

Today was a mix of really frightening possibilities and some overly estatic news. Hehehe, ESTATIC! So happy! My goal is to find more happy couples to dote on, and don't tell me I'm being lame because people being happy together is made of sparkley fluff. Perchance I'll find my very own fluff, but for now, I'm so excited!! I can't wait to hear about everyone's weekend, no no I'm not being nosy, I'm just happy!

Right, the transformation bit, ahem. By the end of today, I have a small list to start with:

1. Lack of thought is okay depending on the person.
2. Being open and straightforward is a good thing.

Okay, so my list only has two things, but it's a start, right? T_T I need to... learn to... accept... that people can be honest like that and not let it strike me as stupid!!!

This is so difficult!!!!!!!

Oh this post fails. Must revisit later. On a totally irrelevant note, I really like the pictures on seiyuu blogs, especially when Teiou has Ishikawa pictures ufufufu~!

Type One Transformations

Listening to: "Raindrop Prelude Op.28 No.15" - Frederic Chopin

Okay. Since Thanksgiving, Saa gave me this wonderful sheet of resolutions (so to speak) for eneagram types. Initially, looking at this after figuring out my type made me cringe like no tomorrow, and while I glanced at it every so often, I didn't try to adhere to it. SO NOW! Since blogs are helpful for referencing, I'll type them out for mine. I am... type one. Hehe. Not entirely, but very strongly anyway.

Transformations for Personality Type One

1. I NOW RELEASE holding myself and others to impossible standards.


2. I NOW RELEASE my fear of losing control and becoming irrational.


3. I NOW RELEASE my fear of being condemned for being wrong.


4. I NOW RELEASE refusing to see my own contradictions.


5. I NOW RELEASE rationalizing my own behaviour.


6. I NOW RELEASE obsessing about things I cannot change.


7. I NOW RELEASE all bitterness and disappointment with the world.


8. I NOW RELEASE feeling that other people's beliefs and values threaten mine.


9. I NOW RELEASE believing that I am in a position to judge others.


10. I NOW RELEASE driving myself and others to be perfect.


11. I NOW RELEASE ignoring my own emotional and physical distress.


12. I NOW RELEASE feeling angry, impatient, and easily annoyed.


13. I NOW RELEASE fearing and disowning my body and my feelings.


14. I NOW RELEASE allowing my desire for order and efficiency to control my life.


15. I NOW RELEASE automatically focusing on what is wrong with things.


16. I NOW RELEASE feeling that it is up to me to fix everything.


17. I NOW AFFIRM that I can allow myself to relax and enjoy life.


18. I NOW AFFIRM that the best I can do is good enough.


19. I NOW AFFIRM that I am grateful that others have many things to teach me.


20. I NOW AFFIRM that I can make mistakes without condemning myself.


21. I NOW AFFIRM that my feelings are legitimate and that I have a right to feel them.


22. I NOW AFFIRM that I treat others with tenderness and respect.


23. I NOW AFFIRM that I am gentle and forgiving of myself.


24. I NOW AFFIRM that I am compassionate and forgiving of others.


25. I NOW AFFIRM that life is good and unfolding in miraculous ways.

Just typing out that list gave me horrible shudders. That list looks so impossible for me as a whole, but one by one, I think I can do it!

So I will work on that list, one bullet at a time. Next post, I'll start with #1!!! People, if you catch me not following this list of transformations, notify me if you so please. Onegaishimasu!!!!

Merchandise: Desire vs. Need?

::headdesks:: I. Cannot. Afford. To. Buy. Anything. Right. Now. But. AHHHHH!!!

Drama CD Ginga Roido Cosmo X in Hero Cross Line
http://www.cdjapan.co.jp/detailview.html?KEY=MACZ-4

Moonlight Mask (Gekko Kamen) Bigins Satan no Tsume
http://www.cdjapan.co.jp/detailview.html?KEY=BJCA-114

DUDE, NOT FAIR!! Seki, you are too awesome, Moonlight Mask? With Miyata and Ishida? BWUAHAHAHA!!! And my beloved Cosmo X!!!! SEKI-SAN, SUGOI!!!!!!

I haven't even been able to buy the NeoRomance Duet CDs nor Seki's LOVARIOUS yet. Woe is me, but the show must go on. AND I'M BEING LEFT BEHIND!

Okay, no more wailing. Desire for material goods can drive one insane. But but but, MUSICS! I should be thankful for what I have already. Looking to support Seki should be secondary, gotta take care of myself first, especially in these shabby economic times. I'm thankful to have my job, and while it doesn't pay well, I do have job security until I decide to leave anyway.

One of these days, I'll have to go back to watch the first season of the Gokusen drama. It's too good not to revisit, and watching Shin mature and fall in love makes me wonder if Yankumi will ever go back to Shin in the dramas. Probably not, unfortunately, even though the manga makes us happy as clam. Shin for the next Oedo leader, banzai! XD For now, fanfiction will suffice.

Aww, I just came across a cute quote on a website:

          Smile! It's a wonderful day because you're in it!

To all the wonderful people in my life, thank you. I can smile and live another glorious day because you're in it. ♥

Moon River

Listening to: "Moon River" - Audrey Hepburn

The moon is out despite the rainclouds, and a river is flowing in my driveway. My mind is swimming, and my heart is flying. Ahh, if only I could always feel this way.

Timeless classics. My mind was swimming in them today, mostly triggered by the sudden downpour. I felt an urge to burst outside and sing and dance to "Singing in the Rain." Is that weird? I think I'm rather happy today. And on that note, I saw a billboard for Coca-Cola today that claimed they had bottled happiness. ::laughs::

I keep missing birthdays, d'oh!

Happy birthday to Nakao Ryuusei!

中尾さん、お誕生日おめでとう！ I'm always late, but I hope he had a great day yesterday!!

Happy birthday to Yoshino Hiroyuki!!

よっちん～！ He's 35 now, I think? Oi, young one isn't he, younger than Seki and me Miyata! XD Hope he had a great day too, and may we hear more of his squeaky voice? XD

Speaking of, I wonder when Vitamin Z is coming out. Ooh, tingles. Ooh Corda mo. もっと...

The one dampening thing about the rain is that our youth picnic got postponed for two weeks because Valentine's Day is next week and we have to prepare for the agape dinner, they said. We do? What are we preparing...? I'm curious as to what kind of foods we'll have.

While I'm on the topic, the hype of Valentine's Day is getting to me. I want to burst out in melodies and cookies! Okay, so that's kind of scary, but ah, who cares if it's commercialized, it's still a good reason to celebrate. I have friends who dub it "single's day" instead, but I say, hey, it's not necessary to focus on having a partner or not but rather on the fact that there is love all around us! I love to see my friends happy with their significant others, and while I do feel a little bittersweet on the matter, it makes me happy that the people I care about have found a special love for themselves. Tonight, I helped my friend with a Valentine's gift for her boyfriend, and I'm glad that I can help her out after ramen and Coldstone. Makes me wish I could do the same for someone too, but alas. Perhaps one day, I'll be allowed to show how I feel too. For now, I'm glad the past remains a memory and not an open wound. This would be the first time I've had a clear mind for Valentine's day, so heck, I'm going to celebrate!!! Anyone want a late Christmas card Valentine's card from me? 8D

Congratulations to Sam and Kat!!!!

Listening to: "White Nights" - Kishio Daisuke

Congratulations to Sam and Kat on the arrival of baby Kristen Aiyoong!!!

WAH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!! I'm so estatic!!! Praise God, a new life has been born into this world!! Mother and child are doing well according to Sam's email, and I am positively bouncing off the walls. SO MUCH HAPPINESS!!! Ahh life is a miracle, let us join in celebration and squeal like crazy pray!!!! ^___________^

A healthy celebration

Listening to: "君がいるこの胸の楽園" - Onosaka Masaya

Oh this song is sad, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TOO J.D.! No I don't play NeoAngelique.. Wait a minute, I do.... #__#;;

AHEM! Let us ignore the Rene song that is drawing me in too.

First off, I had a wonderful week. I made my rounds calling everybody for New Year's, and had a long but super busy week. Work is good, I don't like being idle. There were some distressing news, as we know, but it seems like people are pulling through, and that's great!

Our church had a new year celebration yesterday, and boy was it AWESOME! I seriously love our church, it was one bang of a celebration, complete with games, skits, dancing, singing, fellowship, pictures, and FOOD!!!!! In light of my paycheck being cut, it seems that God is providing me "food" in mysterious ways. It makes me think really hard about things that, perhaps, I shouldn't be picking apart. Ah well. ^_^ Then to wrap up the night, a bunch of us went off to DDR later. Good exercise! Joseph is awesomesauce, clearing stages for me and making records for extra points so I can buy more stuff from the shop. He cracks me up, knowing that I wouldn't accept that Akira's partner is Alice, haha. Gamer knows gamer, no matter how bizarre a gamer I am. VOICE AND EYECANDY GAMER! XD

So ah, good food, good friends, good exercise, good everything. Thank You for a wonderful week, what a way to kick off the Ox year. I miss my Rat, I always do, but the Ox carries the Rat, deshou? ^_^

Sometimes I wonder at these brainless itinerary posts of mine...

Where are the good news?

I have bad chills ALL over today. Yesterday, there was the news about the family of seven that killed themselves, and this morning there's a scary accident on the 10 that killed two men and severely injured a third. Is this what I was reading about, when we're supposed to get a dose of "real life?" Oh it feels real all right, and I can't shake off this bad vibe. Other headlines include how California health insurers are discriminating against women and a Lutheran high school in Riverside is ruled to be allowed to expel students based on their sexuality. Wow. That's a mouthful right there. I'm disturbed, to say the least. Everyday, a mass of tragedies occur, but I've never been so aware of them as I am today.

Where is all the good news? C'mon people, I know there's some out there, stop hiding it!

What I can find, however, is that Obama's on the move. There's quite a few tidbits, but they seem to bode well thus far. There was also another headline about fertility, some woman gave birth to octuplets. Ouch, but hey, the babies are all okay! Personally, that many kids at once scares the living daylights out of me, especially when the following article on MSNBC said that the mother hopes to breastfeed them. All of them.

Plug: Minnesota family can relate to octuplet birth

Congratulations to the couple in California, you have eight little oxen! 8D

I haven't done my thankful posts in a while, so today's the day I catch up!

Wednesday Thankful Three

01) Rosemary + lavender + chamomile + tikuanyin tea.

02) God = Love.

03) Not being swamped with sadness after something I did on purpose.

On that last one... PRAISE GOD, I'm cured!! HONTOU NI!!!

Yuuchan kawaii!!

Listening to: Random music over there -->

>> http://ameblo.jp/tacit/entry-10199015896.html

Reading Yuuchan's short but adorable blog entry makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She's so cute! It helps me remember to notice the little things in life and appreciate it. So I'll enjoy my tea and pretend I'm enjoying it with her. Ahh, just imagining her broad and content smile after sipping can last me a day. Hopeless, any? Which reminds me, is she in Haruka4? I heard Torikou is, but whether that's actually news or not is beyond me since I haven't bothered to keep up with the Haruka-verse.

Anyway, our seriously short-staffed Tuesdays and Thursdays still prove to be slow. I really am happy that I have my thermos and my tea. Is it okay to daydream over my Urban Lover + tikuanyin tea? Oh, allow me to explain the ridiculous name of this tea. It's so fragrant, composed of lavender, rosemary, and chamomile, and the weird Chinese company dubbed it Urban Lover. How that name makes any sense, I have absolutely no clue because it strikes me more as a depressant (as opposed to a stimulant) instead. So unless "urban lovers" are all knocked out from sleepy herbs, that name doesn't fit one bit.

I'm wondering if Yuuchan's blog name has anything to do with her status. She seems all right in her posts, but I can't help but be a little worried for her...

MOU!

Ne ne, Saa, sorry about last night. I'll call you tonight? ^_^

Happy Monday

Listening to: "Denkou Sekkai no Koi" - Takahashi Naozumi

Before I start babbling about my day that nobody cares about, let me say what's important...

Happy Lunar New Year, everybody!!!

T'is the year of the ox, and may this year be blessed and properous! I'm kicking the year off with prayers so that I might continue it for the rest of the year. ^___^

Today is made of happy, surprisingly, for a Monday. It's a personal matter why I'm happy, but I was also happy for a decent amount of work, feeding off negative energy in the office, reading the most interesting Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, napping in the parking lot in a perfect balance of cold and hot temperatures, and getting a bonus. Oh yes, somebody finally noticed how hard I work, damn right. I'm happy for it! Doesn't make up for the paycheck getting cut, but hell, whenever there is extra, it's good. So I ate Del Taco with Cynthia for dinner! ::gets bricked:: Yeah, not the best food to consume, but hey, better than nothing. Perhaps I'll get flatbread salad from Quiznos tomorrow! *_*

Practice with Cynthia and Steven tonight proved useful. I'm hopeful that they have at least the first of the three songs in the medley down. MOST HOPEFUL! I'm a little upset that Steven has no idea what notes he's playing on the guitar, which renders my help rather useless, so thank goodness for YouTube tutorials. Cynthia just needs practice so she can speed up, and all will be well. Whew. I'm proud to say that I finished my new year greeting rounds tonight!! Didn't catch five groups of people, but I left them all messages so it should be fine. Whew! I would've been happier if people didn't have to focus on wishing me a boyfriend this year, jeez. All in all, this year has started off well. Nyosh, let's toast to a wonderful year, shall we? ^_~v KANPAI!

Weekends are made of Happy

Listening to: "Byakudan Yuugi" - Inoue Kazuhiko

There are different forms of love, but all forms of love is still love. You may love God, you may love your soulmate, you may love your significant other, you may love your friend, you may love your job, you may love sleeping, you may love simply being happy. Regardless, really, you cannot live without love. It is what fuels us to continue striving for something better in life, to continue LIVING. Maybe it is all a matter of perception, but why does it feel like love can cause so much pain? I'm happy to say that the past is over at last, but the mere memory still brings me pain. Yet, at the same time, it is because of this memory that I strive to love others. The experience would be for naught if I let it bog me down and becoming a person incapable of love, incapable of caring, and incapable of good. I have to thank them for causing me this pain, even, as I am more appreciative of the little things in life that make me happy, no matter how brief or how imaginary it is. ::lopsided grin:: Humility in the face of darkness, I've realized, is what keeps us strong. Bearing it and yet not being proud of our strengths but knowing how to appreciate others and build on our weaknesses can make all the difference.

Yet, despite this pep talk to myself, I can't help feeling just a little sad. Is that okay, if I cry just for a little bit?

Okay! Moping aside, bible study yesterday was helpful. There is always a tidbit of advice that pertains to the struggles I have to deal with weekly, and for that, I'm infinitely thankful. This week, the message was to have faith that God will provide for us what is best. How much peace that brings, if only we are willing to accept. On the family side of things, Uncle Dominic and Alvin are both sick, and I think the rest of the family and all will be having tuen-nin dinner tomorrow while I have nobody to spend new year's eve with. At least I'll have books to read! OH THANK YOU GABRIEL FOR THIS BOOK KYAAAA!!! I was suppressing myself from flailing over and dying from happiness, I'm so so so so so so happy, thank you thank you thank you! I... I really don't know what else to say. ♥♥♥ I'm going to read myself to sleep tonight whee!

Oh and, if you're reading this, the Pavane I was talking about is by Maurice Ravel. Will let you hear next time, because I can't play it, sniffle!

Anyway, in bible study, we talked about the remnant church and apostacy. Interesting topic, because it can create quite a bit of tension between the different Christian denominations, which makes me wonder exactly how important is adhering to doctrines is if it will on cause further division. I mean, we should definitely follow what God wants us to do, and if that is most clearly reflected in what we see from Jesus and the prophets before and after him, but do we have any right to say that one way of interpretation is accurate and another is not? We say we are not condemning others, but regardless of intention or not, this viewpoint is essentially saying that the other churches are not doing what God wants. Hm. I'm new to this topic, so I will think about it some more and wait to learn more about this next week.

Tonight, I took Gabriel and Joycelyn to see Thoroughly Modern Millie again. Whee! Well, Joycelyn didn't go last week, but anyway, it was fantastic!! Both the casts are awesome, I'm totally floored by the dedication they have to this production. Wow, simply wow. My favourite parts remain as the Chinese brothers' song, the song where they mimicked typing by means of tap dancing, totally ingenious sound design and composition right there, and the hilariously sudden love number between the boss and Miss Dorothy. SIGH!! What fun, what music, what a performance! I'm so glad I was invited to this, I would never know of these events and probably not be motivated to go by myself, so this is always a treat. (So, you guys, stop thanking me, I should be the one thanking you!) ^___^ ああ、本当に嬉しいです～！

Love is bittersweet

Listening to: "RAIN" - Sugo Takayuki

Love makes one high, so much it's both a stimulant and a depressant all at once. Looking back, I have never been in love although I've loved people, deeply, wholeheartedly, and then some. It never worked out, and maybe it's because I was never "in love" with them? Perhaps. The smallest things can make me happy, but I can be saddened by the smallest things as well. This morning, life seemed to be all roses. Then things started coming at me, one by one.

The world economy is bad, right? Our company is not an exception, and while my boss doesn't want to lay off anyone (heh, he might've been better off doing that), he ended up cutting all of our hours back. One hour a day, which equates to five hours a week. I AM NOT HAPPY. That's a huge portion of my salary right there! I should be happy that my boss can't possibly even think about firing me because of how much work I do for him, but woes. As if I didn't earn little enough. ::sniffles::

In light of my hours being cut back, I have also decided to cut back my food intake when necessary, and that will mean instead of napping every so often during lunch, I will resolve to nap every day so I distract myself from buying food. I wonder how long that will last, my mood will surely plummet. ::cringes::

Emails are perhaps one of the easiest things that either saves or destroys my mood. Emails from friends make me happy, but emails from previous employers who are stupid and can't keep track of their own finances and makes us work to get our own tax forms make me infinitely grumpy. I also got another email that probably doesn't mean anything, and hey I guess I did ask for it, but at the same time... Now I wish I had said something different. As people love to tell me, I always dig my own grave, don't I...

Dinner tonight for pre-Lunar new year with parents, grandma, and aunt. Not happy about that either, why did they have to pick that restaurant on San Gabriel and Garvey that gave me a stomachache last time? WHY?

Okay. Two more days to last, and then the weekend comes to the rescue. I miss everyone at church!!! Wow, I have no social life, do I?

Orion and I

Listening: "Kimi ni Okuru Uta" - Seki Tomokazu

This universe is so vast, and in comparison, God encompasses all that and more. What a privilege it is for me to be a part of His grand scheme. I find myself looking to the night sky while searching for answers from within, and with the new year rapidly approaching, now is the time to have a serious talk with myself. During this period of contemplation and preparation for the new year, fixating new year resolutions are in order, as are clearing away negative energies, resolving conflicts, and being open to the endless possibilities the new year will bring! I was a little disappointed that not many of the people I asked this year have made new year resolutions, but I think I have three important things to work on, so I'm okay with myself at least.

Oh great Orion, was the hunt this past year fruitful? Tell me for I yearn to hear your stories so that I may be inspired to pursue my own hunt this upcoming year.

I ask the stars that every winter, and year after year, I get a dismal answer. Our world is dwindling, resources plundered, the harvest evermore meager, morale is falling, destruction eminent, and yet, why are we still here? I can't speak for mankind, but I would really like to know what my purpose is here. What plan do You have in store for me, what is it that You want from me? Have I been doing my part? Are we failing as Your people? Are we still worthy of Your love? Theoretically, all those questions are answered, yes Jesus died for our sins, for us all, and He is our salvation that we only need to accept and shall receive. Still, we continue to err, how much more suffering are we going to give Him? I can't begin to comprehend the pain, but my heart cries. So the question again, was this year's hunt fruitful? Despite the dismal answer I get every time, a quiet and plain whisper tells me not to despair. The hunt is not about the casualties and sacrifices, but it is about the process and our goal! Realistic optimism is necessary as we tread the path towards our destination, and although narrow and difficult it is, seeing the depression along the way, we must persevere. Orion will leave us again, but he returns every winter to light up the night sky. For all I know, he won't be there for all eternity, should one of the stars burn out, but that is only just one small existence, as are we. Stargazing has always been a favourite time to space out pasttime of mine, and ah, how I marvel at the universe! How miniscule we are, and yet with a reason! Any given grain of sand might seem unimportant at a first glance, but each is placed there lovingly by the hands of our Creator. Are we to cherish that, and in so, are we to cherish our own lives, no matter how great or small? Every occurrence happens for a reason, both by God's will and our own decisions, and so I must step into this new year with fortitude. Fate had it that I was born into this world, but by the power of God, I will be able to live this life the way I choose!

The hunt is continuous. It never ceases, it never decreases in value no matter what circumstances befall it.　The new year is the time to reassess our values and learn from past experiences. Let us hold hands and march forward with our heads held up high. Orion 待ってるよ、一緒に帰ろう！

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that off my chest, this weekend was absolutely wonderful!! Yesterday, I got through playing piano for Sabbath service without screwing up too badly, recorded the lady playing one of Mendelssohn's "Song Without Words" on cello and piano ::SPAZZ::, am overjoyed for the instrumentalists for the women's choir, watched the musical Thoroughly Modern Millie with Gabriel, and got a slice of free gouda cheese. DID I MENTION CHEESE? ♥ Then today I, along with my cousins, took grandma out for yumcha, discovered how much dried fish stomach costs, and hung out with Miriam and Alvin afterwards. This past work week sucked, but these two days made up for everything. Did God reward my patience this week? Yes He did! ^___^ Or, as the saying goes, we reap what we sow. Regardless, I'm happy and ready to take on another week, yossha!

Thank you to everyone and everything that puts up with my behaviour this week, as always. Alvin, for letting me be an annoying little cousin once in a while. Miriam, for gathering us together and treating us. Grandma, for being so happy just to see us all. My parents, for giving me the space I need to heal. Gabriel, for a wonderful night and beautiful music. Christina, for your smile and breathtaking compositions. John and Irene, for thinking of me. Cynthia, for being a caring and strong person. Seki, for the great big amounts of happiness you bring to this world. Uncle Dominic and Auntie Ruth, for loving and accepting me. Auntie Carmen, for listening and persevering.　Christie, for her progress and being a living reminder. Boss, for coming back to work tomorrow. GIVE ME WORK TO DO ALL RIGHT ALREADY, THE LACK OF WORK KILLS ME!!! Sarah and Kimi, for being the dynamic duo who soothes and loves me despite my faults. Andrew, for listening and telling me a different viewpoint. Nozomi, for calling me back and letting me speak, and I hope she understands now. Bonnie, for reminding me that I have the capacity to love. To all others I failed to mention, I thank you for being in my life. I wouldn't have made it this far without all of you. Then last, but definitely not the least, thank you Jesus, for the infinite love You showed us with Your sacrifice. I love You, and never let me forget that. Never.

Dragonball Evolution (live action) movie trailer

Listening: "Amaoto" - Ono Daisuke

Plug: http://www.dragonballthemovie.com/

ダメ!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no no no WHAT DID YOU DO TO GOKU??? GOKU IS NOT PRETTY BOY I-AM-COOL-AND-COLLECTED WHITE BOY!!! I don't give a crap that he's being played by a white guy, BUT I DO MIND THAT THEY CHANGED GOKU INTO THE WHITE GUY, CATCH MY DRIFT??? I want my adorable and childish and vivacious Goku who gobbles down anything back!

I'm a little bit too worked up over this. For the show that remains the most personal to me throughout my life, this is blasphemy.

On the good sides, hey Stephen Chow, I'm glad you made it! *_*

Muten Roshi played by Chow Yun Fat is really, really weird. And the trailer doesn't show his ecchi side at all. I wonder if they did away with that, but they shouldn't have...

Chichi and Bulma look good. I never thought I'd ever say this, but Chichi looks hot. Korean chick plays her, what a perfect fit. ::gets bricked by her::

James Marsters as Piccolo is beyond funny to me, not because he looks funny, but because he's TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE HERE!!! Despite his role as Spike in Angel, he looks like that green demon dude in the show instead. So out of place, but hey, he can pull off a cool villain, so no complaints yet.

THE DRAGONBALLS LOOK AWESOME :D!! SHINY AND ROUND AND SHINY! Who doesn't love dragonballs!?

The CGs are awesome, but standard.

I think the only way I can watch this is if I think of it as a spin-off sci-fi flick or something. Now to find someone who's willing to watch this with me. In theatres April 8th, it says.

I... just hope I don't wind up screaming.

An interesting timepiece

"Makkana Guitar de I Wanna do" - Ishikawa Hideo

I don't understand the reason for this song at all, but Ishikawa sounds so funny. 8D

Anyway, yesterday, I had dinner with Sheridan and we were walking around the Focus plaza in San Gabriel afterwards. You know, it's a family spot, chinese hangout area, old people as well as little kids go there too, right? Right. So in this one jewelry store display window we passed, the one facing this trendy kid stuff store, we noticed a peculiar watch on display. Well, a poster of it, which made it worse because of how BIG and glaring it was on display.

Behold the following pictures, click to enlarge, and not for the faint-hearted or the innocent-minded!



Nowwwww then, our reaction: AMUSED and WHAT on EARTH??? I mean, HAHA, interesting watch, I can see someone like Miki or Onomasa sporting it, ::gets bricked:: but at the Focus plaza?? What on earth are these people THINKING displaying something like THAT at such a location!!

Thus ends the highlight of this mundane week. I don't get Martin Luther King Jr.'s Day off next week either, but boy am I tempted to just not show up.

As for my new year resolutions, positivity and patience is so difficult!! Everyday on the way to work, I have to verbally scold myself everytime I catch myself cursing at someone on the road or when I feel my anger swell. People drive me nuts at work too, and I'm trying to keep cool even though I want to scream. Honestly, suppressing my negative emotions has never worked quite well, but I think I might have to try to reformulate that coping mechanism now. Afterall, reanalyzing after quite some time should help me bring some new ideas to the table, right? How do people deal with negativity and lack of patience effectively???

Two very special Birthdays

Listening: "again" - Hoshi Souichirou

This. Song. Needs to not come on. When I'm moody.

Anyway, two very special birthdays are in line, and I will announce them happily.

Happy Birthday to Elvis Presley!

I know the man is gone, but his memory will live on forever! The king of rock and roll, the man who will never escape my memory because of my dad's obsession with him! 8D His music will always ring true, from his popular hits to his gospel music, ahhh, love. Absolute love, swoon worthy, and utterly charming, even with his pouty lips. Haha! Happy birthday to the my dad's hero, here's to Elvis!

Happy Birthday to Gabriel!!!

Haaaaaappy happy birthday~~~! ♥ I wish you a wonderful day with much love, and please don't freak out at the email explosion. I'll call you in the morning (time per Joycelyn, I hope it's not too early) instead of adding to the email spammage. Another year, what goals do you wish to achieve in this round? Ah, life is filled with so many possibilities, today is the present, what will you do with it? ^_~

Ahh... The thought of birthdays makes me happier at least. I'll listen to some Elvis and Rachmaninov tonight for the birthday boys, haha. Musics... ♥

Happy New Year, 2009!

Happy New Year, 2009!
Hopefully, everybody had a better new year countdown than me. I forgot to count down because I was drawing the picture above, and my stomach hurts from dinner with parents tonight. Grawr! Oh yeah, click the thumbnail to view the full image. If anyone wants a print out card, email me your address, tell me, or something. Sorry for the crappy colouring and not having alternate options this year and for being super late!

Has anyone made any new year's resolutions yet?

Kizuna to Sanctuary

Listening: "Kizuna" - Kamenashi Kazuya

Yesterday, everyone playing Apples to Apples seemed to know the perfect card to put down for my adjective, "hopeless." HEY!!!! Why did everyone associate that adjective so casually with me!! ::facedesk:: My Yeema won that round for putting down "Japanese," which, for ONCE, outweighed "steak and potatoes." Guh. Normally, my steak and potatoes would outweigh everything across the board in regards to what is absolutely hopeless for me, but "Japanese" won yesterday because my mind was cluttered with Seki, seiyuu, Honey Bee, and Koei. GRRRR KOEI!!! I still have yet to order the three duet CDs, and and and, and THE SLASHY KENS HAVE A HITSUJI CD!!! According to Janee, Horiken is shachou, and Nariken is peaceful secretary. ::jams desk into jaw:: Yeah. That one will be mine baby, 俺の者、くそ～！＞＜ Am I hopeless or what? Okay, Yeema, you win.

So while Apples to Apples is fresh in my mind, I started thinking about it in song terms. "SANCTUARY ~Yes/No" and "Kizuna" ran across my mind, and no, not because one is sung well and the other is absolutely horrifying. I thought, it would be crazy fun if Apples to Apples were played with song titles! Saa and Kimi, would you two want to help me draft this up? It would be so fun!!!! XD And even if we don't know the songs themselves, the titles will be sufficient enough! For example, "SANCTUARY ~Yes/No~" can be for "deceptive" and "Kizuna" can be for "questionable" or "adorable," depending on who's choosing! XD Wouldn't that be fun?

絆、か？わかりましたね？ふふふ。。。

TOFU happenings

Listening: "Titanic Suite" - James Horner

Boy did we have a handful tonight. We had a guest pastor today, and hrm, should I mention my derailment of thought? His voice was bassy and he had an Australian accent, yes, I'm a seiyuu fan, c'mon, you can't NOT expect me to go "ooh" at good voices! Sermon about the prodigal son nearly made me cry because I was thinking about my friend the entire time. It really eats at me, waiting for her to realize what she's doing and come back to me. The waiting is so painful, and I think what hurts me most is that I think it's intentional. I felt better talking about it later, thank you, you know who you are, and I will continue to pray for her to "come to herself" as the parable describes.

After potluck, we went to a homeless shelter in Whittier and passed out clothes and food. Mostly clothes, actually. It was a really good experience for us: some of us spoke to the people there and learned about their stories, some sung songs for or with them, but most importantly of all, all of us realized just how fortunate we are. I'd like to believe that we all saw the good we were doing for the shelter and also see that we should cherish and be thankful for all that we have in our lives when there are so many people out there in need of things that we take for granted. I believe there are many take-home lessons to be learned here, but in personal reflection, I think that one is what called to me the most. Especially in times when I feel pain and loss, like in the situation with my friend, I realize how fortunate I am to have friends and family who care about me. Sure we blunder, but ultimately, I'm not alone anymore. The gift of love is more than I expected to get, and I hope I never ever take that for granted. I also have a roof over my head and I don't have to worry about not having enough money to pay my bills - I have all that I need to survive, is that not enough? None of this I will take with me when I die anyway, as long as I can survive, it's good enough, but I also have enough to live comfortably. How can I not be grateful for what I have!

So after accomplishing our mission tonight, we ran into a scary thing. One of our cars was involved in a pretty bad accident, and while nobody was hurt, the car is very badly damaged. The two backseat passengers hit their heads and one threw up later, but there seems to be nothing serious. THANK GOD. Accidents happen, but THANK GOD that nobody was seriously injured! Whew, what a relief I had when we saw with our own eyes that everyone was indeed okay. Tonight, I ask for prayers for all those that were involved in the accident, may the matters be cleared and injured, however lightly, folk be fully well as the new day approaches.

As we heared from a recorded sermon in our bible study today, our time in this world is limited. So let us use our time wisely, and may God grant us the wisdom to make decisions and do things that will put a smile on our Lord's face! With that off my chest, I can sleep better tonight. I have lunch with Audrey tomorrow and a little get-together at Uncle Dominic's afterwards. I hope it'll be fun!

Trials in Friendship

Listening: "Jack Dawson's Luck" - James Horner

Christmas this year was normal, I spent my Christmas day sleeping and woke up for dinner at Garden with parents, aunt, and grandma. Boxing day, my most joyous day, was good. Until evening came anyway. I had gone shopping at the Bookoff in Costa Mesa, picked up something for somebody at Kinokuniya, and came back to LA to wait for dinner time and bible study. Then I got five texts in a row from a friend. Five very distressing text messages that ruined my mood entirely, and I've been on the verge of tears every other second tonight. I don't know what to do, if I can do anything at all, and if I'm at fault. Is there anything I can do to remedy this? I can't even find a way to talk about this on the computer, which is rare for me.

All I can do right now is pray. I pray God will help her and me get through this, help both of us understand each other, so on so forth yada blah. I don't even know what it is I'm praying for, but my heart hurts. I'm at a loss for words.

Merry Christmas to all

Tonight, I had a choice of three places to go for dinner. Parents, Uncle and his family, or Bonnie and her family. Ultimately, I chose to spend time with my uncle, aunt, and cousins instead of the other two options. I had such fun tonight that I would do it again if I could. We went to BJ's for dinner, and Davin and I split the new Mediterranean pizza. MMM! Then back home, we karaoked Christmas songs like crazy. Davin and I did, mostly, with a little bit of Alvin since we forced him, and my uncle singing with or without the mic. This is the family I remember spending Christmas with when I first immigrated, the people who I had fun hanging out with and love dearly. The only time I remember being a child before it was all taken away. While I can never make up for all those lost years, I had so much fun with my baby cousin Davin that I don't need to look into the past anymore. I have them now, and that's what matters, right? Even if I rarely get to spend time out with my cousins, I now know that it's possible again. That Davin (unfortunately, Alvin's pretty stubborn about not singing heh) and I will get to goof off and torture Alvin with our made-up melodies and off-key singing, and that I am able to look to them for opinions. ::grins::

In conclusion to this blessed evening? Even though I had a long work day in which I really didn't care to be there, I have discovered what it means to have family who love you and want you to be there with them. I was able to feel the Christmas spirit at the very last moment, singing traditional and children Christmas songs with Davin. Love is mine for the taking at last, it's not only me who's giving. Thanks be to God! How awesome is that! Even if I'm moody and sad, even if I'm tired and irritated, love is all you need. All I need.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone. I hope everyone out there is experiencing a spark of hope too.

Breathe in Life

Today is phlegm day. My sore throat is not as bad as yesterday, so maybe the infection is dying down. As a reflection of that, dead stuff in my throat! #_#

Earlier, we had a will-call customer with her little girl, babbling and cute as can be. I was doing inventory of our showroom at the time, clipping tags and hauling bikes around, and then I looked outside. It's a beautiful day today, and I thought, what a wonderful day it is to go biking! When driving to work earlier, I saw the mountains, capped with snow, pine trees afar looking evergreen, and picture perfect clouds hovering the mountain tops. How romantic it would be to enjoy the cool, crisp air today in the mountains or on the beach, on one of a mountain bike or on one of our beach cruisers, riding with someone you love. Spending time in nature with people you love, significant other or not, makes one feel warm and fuzzy, even if the air is nippy. ::insert long sigh here:: XD Despite the fact that I'm sick but getting slightly better, the thought makes me smile inside. So...

Today's Happy Point: Oxygen.

Breathe, everybody! The air is cool, the pollution is a little bit clearer, and there is plenty of renewed oxygen in the air because all our vegetation has been watered! Thank God for the rain, and thank God for the air we breathe. Oxygen fills our lungs with life and energy, and while happiness doesn't come naturally with oxygen, just imagine how sweet oxygen is to one who is suffocating or drowning. We certainly don't appreciate this enough, taking every breath we take for granted, as if we have a right to it. God created this world for us, and it is HIS right to continually allow us to use it. Let's take a moment to contemplate the wonders of our universe, from human-made computers we use to the animals we see, and right down to the air we breathe. Amen!

Flu + Stomachache

Sickness becomes me. FLU! FEVER! STOMACHACHE! UWARGH! Yeah. Despite all that, I'm at work. Dying, but antibiotic'd and panadol'd. Hotpot and grandmother's birthday cake killed my stomach, and I am not happy. Regardless, must focus on positives. So let's start with the happy point.

Today's Happy Point: Sleep.

I slept lots yesterday, had a semi-good rest last night, albeit short, and will sleep in the car for lunch today since I cannot eat for 24 hours anyway. Stupid stomachache. I'll live. >_>

What a mundane post! Walk away...

A day of rest

Listening: "Only Love" - Trademark

Thankful Things
01) Ishikawa Hideo, it's his birthday!
02) Sabbath, the Lord's rest and mine too.
03) Church friends, for making me feel like a person.
04) Uncle Daniel, for treating us to dinner. *_____*
05) Bistro Pasqual, the yummiest yet accessible food I've had in a while.
06) Bowling, for fun and minimal exercise, hehe.
07) Christmas piano sheet music, for tickling my brain.

On the last one, I really need to work on my Christmas spirit. I HAVE NONE!!! I need help, so I'm turning to music and hoping it'll help me get in the mood. Sadly, not quite yet, but the pieces I was plunking through helped a little bit. Was bummed that nobody would sing with it, I had to sing myself and mess up. Meh, whatever.

Tonight was filled with much food and fun yet also quite a load of annoyances. Let us all forgive our transgressors, yes? I'm reasoning the best I can to understand these people, and while I can, it doesn't stop me from feeling irritated. ::sighs:: I need to work on my emotions, as I've always known, but this might prove easier. Concrete and not-as-personal situations are much easier to analyze and hence control my thoughts and feelings, obviously. We'll work on this together, and I pray that I and the other people involved will be granted patience, tolerance, and understanding.

The light rain washed away some of the grime from the sky, and when I arrived home at 1:15am, the stars and moon were shining brightly. It's the first time the moon, in all its glory, did not sway me like it should. Orion was there to greet me, clear in view, and I am happy. Shiny NeoRomance I mean Orion. 8D

Last night, we read through Matthew 4 but did not get through 5, but in one verse, I was rather confuzzled. When speaking of not loving your brother, there were three examples in particular in which each would lead to a certain danger. The second one, something about calling your brother "Raca" confused me. My uncle said it meant to say something in contempt, but then it was too similar to the third, which is calling your brother "Thou fool" ... So. What is it? Why does saying "Raca" lead one to be in danger of council? Why council? Need to research on this further. When my mother isn't banging at my door and harassing me to sleep.

In lines of forgiveness, forgive me for hopscotching my points, but there is still something about the lack of maturity at a certain age level that irritates the heck out of me. I understand that not everyone was brought up to have a respectful and mindful mentality, but is it too much to expect people to be mature? Seriously, am I asking too much of this world? When one is a child, it is natural and RIGHT for one to be selfish and prioritize their own needs, thoughts, and feelings. However, as one grows older, they ought to learn, either by influence of their surroundings or within oneself, the process of mental and emotional maturation kicks in along with physiological maturity. Okay, so according to all that mumble jumble that I learned from psychology, some people can be stunted and mature slower, but isn't it also human nature to want to do good, so it should naturally start to divert inside out of oneself? I'm being convoluted, so to clarify, maturity means being able to consider OTHERS in accordance to considering one's own SELF in daily activities, whether actively or passively. People readily dismiss excitement and over enthusiasm as immaturity, but does anyone ever think that those are simply behaviours that result from immaturity but does not necessarily equate to immaturity itself? Behavioural psychology is very gray for this reason, because while behaviour stems from a particular source, it does not always indicate that one single source but rather a multitude of possible sources. Must we all be so simple minded and quick to judge? I find myself guilty of such deductions frequently, so I must continue to seek answers, as I am quick to anger with immature behaviour. So yes, perhaps I am asking too much for people to be courteous, respectful, humble, and mindful of others. Hmmm. Maybe it's too late to think logically, but this is immensely frustrating!!!

Holes, holes, holes. I need patches. Patches for my mind, patches for my heart, patches for my soul.

It's freezing tonight. I ought to wear more clothes. 8D

Today’s Happy Point: Rest.

Rest, to celebrate God's creation, be closer to God, and commune with fellow man. Rest, that I got during my uncle's sermon. (Oops.)

"stay" lyrics

Romaji lyrics to my favourite Naochan song. Because.

"stay"

Artist: Takahashi Naozumi (高橋直純)

kaze ga fuiteiru　itsumo no basho de
kimi wo matteru　sora miage nagara
irodzuku kumo ni　kimi wo kasanete omou
tooku ni mieru　"gomen" no shikunaru

itsumo sou da yo　sewomuke aruku boku
oikake waratteru kimi no
massugu nobitekuru　hitomi no saki ni
chiiisana akari tomoshi　tokihanatsu...

won't you be my love kono mama
ashita he to aruitekou
won't you be my love eien
waratte zutto. motto.
hora...
kao agete... daijoubu... shinjiteiru

mune ni nagareru　MELODY guchizusa nde
tsutaetai nda　kimi shikai naito...

mujaki ni warau koto　wasurezuni ite
ichiban no takara mono dakara
toki ni wa namida ga　hoho wo tsutau yoru mo
shizuka ni sotto kimi wo hikiyose...　dakishime you

because I love you...　stay
won't you be my love　kono mama
boku ni mirai azukete
won't you be my love eien
mamotte　zutto.　zutto.
zutto...
itsumademo...　koko ni iru
because I love you...　stay

ここにいる…？　。＿。

Getting by

Listening to: "逐格重播" - Sharon Chan

Oh am I cranky tonight or what. I finished up the eBay duties for work today, edited all the pictures, and yet, I don't feel accomplished at all. Maybe for the fact that I was tired and cranky all day already. In times like this, it is really important that I look for what I'm thankful for to force myself to look on the bright side of things when I'm feeling reluctant to care. Yosh, here goes...

Thursday Thankful Three
01) Parents out at dinner, allowing me time to play a little piano outside.
02) Being employed.
03) Important people in my life.

I thought back about last night's dinner with Nozomi again. February 2010 is what she's aiming for. I'm so happy for her, and yet I can't help but feel a little sad. My girl is all grown up and getting married, wearing a diamond engagement ring and looking more and more beautiful each time I see her. And I feel left behind. Maybe it's time I stop looking to make others happy and try to make myself happy too.

Yosh, project happiness, that's my next thing to work on! From now on, I'll think of something that makes me happy and try to do something about it. A plan for action, not just silent contemplation! YOSH! Let's do this, people!

Today's Happy Point: 関智一

Why? Because Seki is one of the magnificent wonders of the universe! I thank God everyday for his existence! ^D^ I'm not crazy, nope. Oh yeah, almost forgot, I'm going to buy his new CD!!! Maybe not this very instant, but very soon. ♥

Daily rant

._. Can I help feeling this way? I work so hard to suppress my feelings, to control them, and then this happens to me. Why me? I feel happy, feeling this way, and yet distressed at the situation in which it occurred. Internal conflict, as usual. Over Thanksgiving weekend, the Wesley church's morning sermon talked about this, how we are thrust into these situations and have to deal with it. God gives us so many things to be thankful for, but our hindrances stop us from rejoicing over what we have. Instead of being upset, we should praise God for giving us the opportunity to grow and the chance to show our worth by overcoming these obstacles, right? Then why do I feel so upset right now? I don't envy other people for what they have, but I do feel like I'm lacking something essential... Blargh. Enough muttering. If anything, adversity will prove if what I feel is true, if God really wants this for me, or if I'm just feeling vulnerable.

Last night, I had nanchatte tonkotsu ramen at Foo Foo Tei, and it was SO GOOD!!! Gyah! Tonkotsu so fatty, but yummy! So yummy! ::swoons:: The broth was soooo good, they added some other cream to make it richer than tonkotsu broth is already, and... oh my. I was happy last night, even though it cost me quite a bit as I paid for a portion of Cynthia's too. But man, I'm definitely going back there. X3 We didn't get around to making desserts, but we talked and watched plenty of stuff instead heehee. Fun times. I'm bringing a NeoRomance Live DVD next time, muwahaha...

Last time I read Inferno, the canto detailing the schismatics was rather repulsive. Being able to stomach quite a bit of morbidity and violence, I was surprised at how evoking that canto was. I wanted to puke, and when I took a nap after it, I had a hellish nightmare of the similar variety. NO FUN!! KOWAI YO!! Must continue, however, I wonder what Lucifer is like in Dante's hell. @_@ May curiosity not kill this cat...

Speaking of lunch, time for me to take my nap now...

Our Winter Concert

Listening: "FATE ~Mafuyu no Taiyou~" - Itou Kentarou, Taniyama Kishou

I.... GAH!!! I had a very stressful night, filled with both good things and EXTREMELY stressful things. I don't think there was anything bad, just... stressed out. My nerves were shot all night and boy was I tense. Hours later, I'm still tense. GAH STUPID FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE SYSTEM! ::sighs::

Meanwhile, I unwind with some LxR. Hehe. Itouken sounds not Tsuchiura'y at all, but I'm thoroughly enjoying this duet. DUET. SOMEONE SING A DUET WITH ME PRETTY PLEASE??

Okay so, first things first, MUSIC. MUSIC IS LIFE, MUSIC IS LOVE, MUSIC IS HAPPINESS, MUSIC IS ADVENTURE! I loooooove music! The featured pianist tonight was amazing in two pieces in particular, and two pieces I did not expect to be gushing so much over. His rendition of Chopin's "Heroic Polonaise" failed to impress me, and his "Erlkonig," by Liszt and Schubert, was good but only just that. BUT. GAH. Debussy. DEBUSSY. His fingers were like petals brushing on the surface of a tranquil lake. I WAS IN LOVE. LOOOOOVE. He played it SO beautifully and totally reflected the title, "Reflections in the Water." *___* I was quite the fan of "Dream Rag No.2" by William Albright although I initially did not expect to care for it at all. It was whimsical, cute, romantic, and even sexy. Rawr. I enjoyed it very much, was glad I was standing up for that one or I would've slid off my seat in all weirdness. ::laughs:: The "Three Dances" piece, with its three movements accordingly, was interesting, but only the first dance was anywhere near interesting, although the second dance did start off beautifully, the dance got somehow convoluted and meaningless. And. While his technique for "Fantasia Baetica" by Manuel de Falla was awesome, I was just not interested no matter how hard I tried. The full circle I was picking out could've been developed better, with better story telling. But. It failed. It failed to be fantastic in any sort, although it was an impressive piece to add to the repertoire. Oh well. I think I was most bummed out by the Chopin starter piece. He could've done so much better than that, so what happened? Oh my beautiful Chopin, I want more of you. Come back... come back to me.

The lady who played the koto wow'ed my socks off. My nerves were shot throughout the first piece she played, unfortunately, so I was sitting outside and watching the monitor, but the second time around, I was swept away. I tried to imagine Tomomasa playing to me. The choirs were good, and I don't know why "The Prayer" makes me teary. I'll have to go look up the lyrics. Why? >_> Anyway. Joshua is SUCH an amazing accompanist!! I ooze at the skill he has to evoke feelings and his own style while not overshadowing the choir's performance. AWESOME. That is pure AWESOMENESS. Gah. Accompanists so do not get their due enough. APPLAUD FOR JOSHUA, APPLAUD!!!!

What's with me and pianists? Hello? I don't really care for Tsuchiura, hello? どうして? Oh I sure had a large dosage of pianists tonight, very very very VERY happy. I think I'm bordering on greedy, kekeke. Can anyone blame me? Since Tsuchiura doesn't do it for me, playing Corda won't help, so I must get it elsewhere. Corda is only good for trumpet and flute, and the fountain of love that springs from those two is too much for words! If Uncle Zhu Jing played too, man, I think I would be floating by now.

Our Les Miserables songs were okay. I was really bummed out when I found out Jonathan and I weren't being picked up by the microphone. My fault. Very disappointed in myself. Overall, however, we were very good as a group. Much better than ANY of our practice sessions, haha! I was so amazed at everybody, so proud of everyone, and and and. OH I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! I LOOOOOOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Now if only I didn't have to run off to change for my uncle's trio as accompanist. People said I did well but I was too nervous to notice anything. That and my skirt was riding low in the back. I hope nobody saw that. ARGH yuck!

Looking back, I should have prayed for my nervousness. I forgot I get stage fright, and boy did I pay for it. I was clutching Gabriel's rubberband rifle like crazy before going out and ended up arm wrestling Steven to relieve tension. Thank you, Steven, for letting me do that, and thank you for being a gentleman about it. Arm wrestling did wonders for my nerves, or I think I would have been cracking before I ever make it onstage. And thank you, Gabriel, for being cheerful and a shoulder to freak out on LOL. Thank you to all of you for putting up with my near nervous breakdown. Thank you thank you THANK YOU ALL. ♥

Now that our winter concert is over and done with, why don't we all shout PRAISE GOD!? Ready, okay... PRAISE GOD!!!! Thank God it's over and all went well! I want to watch something sweet and funny now to soothe my frazzled nerves.

I'm too tired to write separate posts, so this is crossposted around.

Almost Friday!

I am so behind on my lists of thankful things, oh no! I'll be good and do one today.

Thursday Thankful Three
01) It's almost Friday!!! Soon it will be the weekend!
02) Orbit gum, for keeping me awake and being phantom food for my not quite full stomach.
03) Shopping with Sheridan two days ago, I has me a new purple shirt! ::gasp:: Colour in my closet, imagine that...

Okay. Time to panic. I'm not playing all the songs for my uncle and the two other people right? Because I don't find playing piano in my Les Mis costume very appealing. Hopefully they'll stick to the recording for the first two songs, so I can change. O_O

Life has gotten rather busy, it seems, and I very much enjoy it. I'm now actually doing what I applied for in this job, sales. Haha. Ebay sales. Some customers astound me with their inability to research before purchasing something, but hey, who am I to complain, I just sell the stuff. That would be a whopping total of five bikes, heh, not much at all. Oh well, a bike sold is a bike sold.

I was rather unsettled by what one of my friends told me on Monday. She thinks I'm settling for a dull and dreary life, on something less than what I deserve, but why is she complaining? It's my life, is it not? I'm actually feeling quite content with my routine of weekday work and weekend church, why is she so displeased with the way I turned out? Because I actually enjoy staying in line and watching my spending appropriately? I sigh. Then there was the one huge little matter that she addressed that irked me this whole week thus far, to the point my mother said I was groaning and muttering loudly in my sleep. Ugh. Hopefully I said nothing incriminating. 8D

And so the routine of my life continues as I descend further into Inferno... ::shudders:: Happy thoughts, think happy thoughts...

Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all!

Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all!

I had a most fabulous and food-filled weekend. Minus feeling bloated and exhausted from my 8-hour drive yesterday, I feel great! I have to thank the Hasegawas for putting up with me for so many days, I'm not the easiest house guest, but not quite as bad as Dobby. ::chortles::

Anyway, while I have tons to ramble about, now isn't the time, so I'll just leave with a picture. Tomomasa and Yorihisa! Unfortunately, my gauntlets went missing so I had to do without the jacket. Ironically, even when wielding a fan, still not quite feminine..



Under the cover of darkness, we aim for the dramatic effect. Or plain lols.

Oh I lied, one more.